Stupid is as stupid does.

We told DH's family on Christmas night that we are having a boy and a girl. They were all thrilled, but above the happiness the following is what I remember most. Let me preface this with the fact that my BIL is a very intelligent man. He's an engineer with a few degrees, but is apparently only "book smart".

And Dandle, this of course made me think of you. LOL.

BIL: Wow, a boy and a girl. That's awesome.
Me: It's just what we were hoping for.
BIL: Will they be able to tell if they're fraternal or identical twins?
Me: Well, since they're not the same gender, they're obviously fraternal.
BIL: But they could still be identical twins, right?
Me: Ummm, well, not by definition. We know they're fraternal.
BIL: But what if they look alike?? Would they be identical twins then?
Me: ....walking away laughing...

I still crack up when I think of how serious he was about it. For a moment I thought he was joking, but he wasn't at all. LMAO.

16w 2d Growth Scan

Since I'm having twins I'm lucky enough to get a detailed u/s (growth scan) every four weeks. Today went great. The babies are each measuring about 6 ounces, which puts them a little head, and shows that they're growing at the same rate (awesome!!). We also got some more great news...we found out their genders!!!

Add us to team PURPLE...baby A is a GIRL and baby B is a BOY!!!!!!!

Busting Out

Literally.
I'm now a 38DDD.
Wowza.
And I'm just past 14 weeks.
I've already passed the size I was when I was nursing EJ.
How big will my bust get by the time I deliver the twins??
Will I get even bigger after that when my milk comes in???
Will I even be able so see over my boobs???? LOL.

2nd Trimester

Yesterday was 13w4d and officially the start of my second trimester. I've let out a little sigh of relief of my breath I've been holding for the past three months. Still a long way to go, but so thrilled to have made it this far with my twins ♥!

NT Scan

My NT Scan was last week and it went great. First off, the important part...the NT measurements for the twins were 1.8 and 1.4. So as long as the bloodwork comes back ok we seem to have a low risk of any abnormalities. I will go again next month for another bloodwork check to be sure there is no heightened risk. **Fingers crossed**

The scan lasted about an hour and I got a great look at the two babies. They are lying on top of each other - head to head - so it's like they're in bunk beds. Very cute :) The baby on top (baby B) was moving around so much and the bottom baby (baby A) was a lot calmer...we'll see if that holds true after they're born. LOL.

The u/s tech also turned on the 3D probe for a few minutes and I got a great picture of baby B's body and awesome shot of baby A's face. It's amazing to think that even with them being sooo tiny right now, they already are little people.

Tomorrow I have another check-up with my OB and I'll have another u/s then. I will get one at each visit since they want to be sure both heartbeats are going strong. I guess it's hard to differentiate the two with just a doppler.

EJ is great. We put up our Christmas tree this weekend and so far he hasn't fussed with it. I didn't want to get involved with the constant "no touch" of the ornaments, so we put them on the top half of the tree only. The lights go all the way down and he hasn't seemed too interested in them. We'll see how the next month goes. It's fun thinking of all the gifts Santa will bring him. He'll be two on NY's Day so he's at an age for the really fun toys like Mr. Potato Head and Sit n' Spin. All the good stuff we remember playing with as kids. I have a feeling we're going to go overboard at the toy store :D

BFP for a friend!

A friend of mine who has suffered many m/c's just did her first round of IVF. They did PGD to try to eliminate any more m/c's by picking the perfect little embryos. They transferred two GIRL embabies and her first beta came back at 98 at 13 dper. Beta two had a doubling time of 40 hours so she's very hopeful that this BFP will stick. She won't go for her first u/s until 12/6 (seems kinda late to me) but for now she's knocked up :D

BFN for SIL

I posted about two weeks ago that my SIL was doing her first IVF. They have a daughter already, but "only" needed the help of Clomid then. Anyway...they retrieved 41 eggs from her, 24 of which fertilized (without ICSI). They transferred two and froze three. And she had her beta today which was a BFN. I feel so sad for her and them. They were OOP for everything but the meds, so the money issue adds another level of suckiness to this.

I can't help but dwell on her percentages. If my math is right, she had a fert rate of only like 60%. And of those 24, only 5 made it to the blast stage. Another sucky percentage of about 20%. I'm not an expert on that phase of IVF, but am I right to think it's an egg quality issue? She's 36 and her RE told her that her age is against her, but I would have thought her chances would have been better.

In a few days when the BFN isn't so raw, I'm sure she'll have questions for me on what could have gone wrong. Not sure if she'll have a WTF appt with her RE or when that would be. But I'd like to have some guidance for her and to help with an answer or two in the meantime.

She'll be traveling to see her family for two weeks around Christmas, so I'm guessing they won't even think about doing an FET until the new year. I'm just glad they have snowbabies, because in the begging she said they weren't going to freeze any. It's just so hard to believe that out of 41 eggs retrieved, they only got 5 viable blasts. God I wish IVF was more of a guarantee.

In my news...I'm trucking along. Still quite nauseous, but I actually have good days sprinkled in between my yucky days. I'm enjoying eating everything I can, and two of it all saying "one for each baby!". LOL.

My NT scan is on Wed so I will be sure to post results afterward. Say a little prayer that everything is ok with my two little ones ♥.

9w 5d

I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since my last post. Time flies when you spend your days puking :)

Everything is just perfect with the twins. I had my first OB appt today and we saw them both dancing around in there (they get their moves from their mommy). I'm getting sick at least once a day, but it's usually more. I've stopped the PNV's for a few weeks, and the Zofran is long-gone, so my constipation is going away. It's not normal yet, but at least we're heading in the right direction.

EJ is getting more active by the day and I'm getting more exhausted every day. I'm not sleeping well at night, but at least I don't feel sick when I lay down in bed. We're doing a lot more "big kid" things with EJ like coloring, play doh, etc. Those are the times I sit on the floor next to his little table and enjoy the "stillness". LOL.

I'm so lucky to have my Mom close by as she is a constant help when I'm just too sick to get off the couch (or out of the bathroom). She's all fun and games so EJ giggles and runs to the door just at the mention of "Mom-Mom". She's so wonderful to him...and the cookies & chocolate chip pancakes she makes are an added bonus to a 22-month old.

My SIL just had her ER yesterday...47 eggs! Holy sh!!t right? 24 fertilized and they're hoping to do a day 5 transfer on Monday. I really wish I could help her out more with watching my niece, but again my Mom is there to help out. My Mom is going to deserve a vacation very soon. Many days she'll have both kids at once since our appts always seem to fall at the same time. It's great how EJ and his cousin get along, but I'm sure my Mom would also enjoy sipping coffee and watching her soap operas. Haha. I swear I don't know what I would do if she wasn't retired!

Oh well, off to read some books to my little man :D

7w 5d

Everything went perfectly at our weekly appt today. I was told we'll "graduate" next week so everyone keep your fingers crossed the twins still look amazing in a week. Then I'll be headed to my high risk OB.

No "movement" to speak of yet. Still passing just a little bit here and there but nothing to give much relief. My nausea is still here full force and just for shits and giggles, we've added heartburn to the mix. It's a real party in my body right now.

And I'm convinced at least one of the babies is a girl. I don't have that healthy pregnancy "glow" that I had with EJ. Old wives' tales say that a baby girl drains your beauty and by looking in the mirror I am certain that's that case.

Well, I'm off to bed. But first I have to do my Lovenox injection, take some various pills and down a tablespoon of mineral oil. Sweet dreams, ladies xoxo.

Mineral Oil = FAIL

I have an appt this morning with a GI specialist because my RE believes I'm impacted. Hello? I told him that about a week ago.

Things I've tried:
MANY various foods that normally do the trick.
Enemas
Glycerin suppositories
Milk of magnesia
Prescription laxative
Mineral Oil

And none of that has produced anything more than like 6 tiny little hard rabbit pellets. Ugh.

Full of shit.

*Warning - this post is going to cover some very yucky topics. And before my certain readers get their panties in a bunch and say I'm ungrateful and I should just be happy to be pregnant...well, that's just a load of crap. (wink wink).

I have not pooped since Oct. 2 (or even before then). I had the same constipation issues with EJ, but it seems even more severe now. I started Zofran for the nausea, but had to stop that because it can cause constipation. I have, however, purchased a PrimaBella band which seems to work really well. I've also stopped my PNV's for now until I have a bowel movement. I've been to Urgent Care and the ER and all they've done is given me strong laxatives that haven't worked yet. I've tried prunes, pepperoni pizza, apples, apple cider, Ta.co Be.ll and McDon.alds and nothing has worked. My belly is so distended I look about 5 months pregnant. I think I need to be disemboweled (is that what it's called???). Yuck.

My nausea is out of control because the food I eat has nowhere to go. It's piling up higher and higher and even comes back up half the time. My gag reflex is super-sensitive and the slightest odors make me puke. Changing EJ's diapers is a real challenge. I usually put peppermint lotion under my nose to help cover the smell of his pooh. That doesn't always work and I'm often found running to the bathroom to get sick.

I want so badly to have a nice decent bowel movement so if there is anything else I can try, please suggest it!!!!!

Great appt today - 5w 5d

Everything looked great at my u/s today. Ed went with me so he could see (with me for the first time) our two little ones with heartbeats thumping away! I just love those little flickers :)

I was told, however, that twins bring an increased risk for GD. So my RE said to limit my carbs and ice cream. WHAT?!?!?! That is seriously all I want to eat these days. So he said I could have them for breakfast and lunch, but try to avoid them for dinner. And I don't care what anyone says, I'm taking that to mean I can have a sundae for breakfast :D

My nausea is still out of control, so I got my script for Zofran. My RE said it was scary that I asked for it by name. I told him I've been around that block before and I know what I need. LOL. He also told me that a generic PNV wouldn't do since I'm having twins and need double the Folic Acid. So now I'm buying the "good" stuff at $65 a month. Ouch. Hopefully we'll hit our deductible soon and they'll be covered for the rest of my pregnancy since our insurance year ends July 31.

My list of meds I'm currently on:
Estradiol - 2x daily
Zofran - 3x daily (drop to 2x when needed)
PIO - AM shot
PNV - at bedtime
Folic Acid - 2x daily
Lovenox - AM shot
Baby aspirin - at bedtime
Colace - 1-3x daily as needed.

Here is today's picture (sorry it's a little dark and hard to see). One of you ladies once said that they look like diamond rings at this point, and I think you're so right! They're pretty symmetrical a this point, which I'm told is a good thing.

Hello, Old Friend

Morning Sickness has arrived. Blech.

It started with EJ around week 7, so it's almost 2 weeks ahead of schedule with the twins. As long as I'm actually eating food I feel ok. Let's see how many pounds I can gain in one week. LOL.

I still have brown spotting most of the time. Not sure if it's blood or possibly just tinted brown from BV (Bacterial Vaginosis). Lovely, right? My RE is going to check me for that at my appt this Thursday.

On a lighter topic...When EJ was in utero we called him "Peanut". Right now we call the babies "The Twins" but I'm trying to think of something a little cuter. Any ideas??

Double Trouble

My u/s was this morning and Lisa was right...I'm having TWINS!!! There are two perfect little gestational sacs. The u/s tech said she could see one of the yolk sacs and the other was a little faint to see. She was surprised to see either since I'm only 4w5d. I go back in a week and we're hoping to see heartbeats then.

Here's a picture of my little ones...

Appt tomorrow

Beta #3 will be tomorrow morning. Not only that, but I'll have an u/s where I'll hopefully be able to see a gestational sac. If Lisa (MeInsideOut) was a betting woman, I think she'd say that I'll see TWO sacs based on my first two betas. Will she be right????

Love it.

This was posted on the mirror in the bathroom of my RE's office.

Beta #2

Beta #1 on Monday was 90. Today (4 days later) my RE said he's looking for anything over 300. My beta came back at 621. That's a doubling time of about 34.5 hours. Wahoo!!!!! Still knocked up :)

My lining looks great at 14.9mm and I go back on Thursday when we'll hopefully be able to see a sac on the u/s.

I've been having a ton of "pinching" on either side of my abdomen. The nurse said that's normal and it's just my ovaries shrinking down from when the emptied follies filled up with fluid/blood after the retrieval (or something like that). As long as she says it's normal, that's all I care about. LOL.

Beta #2 later today

I either have morning sickness or my nerves are getting the best of me. I'm gagging just thinking about brushing my teeth.

I've had some brown spotting for the past few days and it's making me so nervous. We're hoping to see a beta over 360. And I have about 6 hours until I'll get the phone call with the results. I'm just about 4 weeks so I'm sure we won't see anything on the u/s so I won't know anything for sure until that phone call comes in.

Fingers crossed!

Right on schedule

It's a pattern. I get a BFP and a few days later I start to spot. It may be over before it even begins.

Everything will be fine.
Everything will be fine.
Everything will be FINE.

Beta #1

11dper - beta = 90
That seems a bit high, but we'll see how it goes from here. Next beta will be this Friday.

STICK***STICK***STICK

POAS day - 11dper

A picture is worth a thousand words. Thank goodness, because I'm speechless :)



No squinting needed. No twisting funny under the bright bathroom lights. I can clearly see a plus sign from about three feet away. There it is -- a BFP.

First baby picture

Here are the two hatching blasts we transferred yesterday. The second picture shows all 7 embryos that we have...still waiting to hear how many of the 5 made it to the freezer.

I'm knocked up...at least for the next week ;)

My ET was this morning and it went off without a hitch. We transferred two perfect hatching blasts. I'll post a picture as soon as I'm allowed upstairs to scan it in. There are two remaining blasts and three morulas (is that what they're called??) in the dish. They'll let me know tomorrow which of those five made it to the freezer.

I'm ordered to be on bedrest with bathroom privileges for 24 hours. My Mom has EJ for the rest of today and he's sleeping there tonight. Ed is going back to work soon so I'll have the rest of the day to chill on the couch with Days of Our Lives and movies. Oooh maybe I can find some Desperate Housewives too! It's so quiet here I don't know what to do with myself. Jimmy is even ignoring me to go bask in the sun on the deck. Oh well, I'll enjoy my alone time while I can :)

My next appt is Monday 9/20 for a hormone check and then Monday 9/27 is the HCG. I'm going to let yall know right now that I'll be testing before 9/27. I may do it on 9/20 since that will be 11 dper. Or maybe I'll at least wait until 9/21 so it's 12 dper. My SIL had an IUI last Tuesday and her test day is 9/21, which is also her birthday. Wouldn't it be a piss if we both got BFP's that day?? Wouldn't it be an even bigger piss if we both got BFN's???? Only time will tell.

Well, I'm off to watch a little Let's Make a Deal. Hope everyone is having a great day!

ET date set

My transfer will be Tuesday 9/14. I'm not yet sure of the time, but it will be in the morning. I'll post when I get home tomorrow :)

Fert Report

10 eggs retrieved.
All were ICSI'd.
9 fertilized.
7 embryos remain growing.

Obviously, more would have been better. But I don't feel too bad (physically) right now and after IVF #2 when I had 25 retrieved I was in a ton of pain.

We're torn on whether we want to transfer 2 or 3. But I guess we ultimately won't be able to make that decision until we hear how many continue to go until transfer day. That will be either Sunday or Tuesday.

I'm a Craps player and usually root against unlucky number 7, but here I am cheering for my Lucky Little Seven!!!

ER date set

The past two weeks have just flown by. I planned on doing posts updating my stimming and the side effects. All of a sudden the past 9 days are gone and I'm going to trigger tonight for my ER on Thursday.

I have about a dozen follies in my right ovary and about half that in my left side...my leftie never did keep up with my righty. I've been pretty tired the past week (I think that's from the Lupron) and I swear I look 3 months pregnant. My belly seemed to have popped when I started the Menopur a few days ago. I'm kinda bloated too. Other than those few things, the side effects have been minimal.

This time around is a lot less intimidating than before I had EJ. I even went to bed one night and got all comfy before I realized I didn't do my night time injections. That never would have happened three years ago. My world revolved around my cycles back then. Now, my world revolves around getting enough sleep. LOL.

At 10:30 tonight (I set my alarm to be sure I didn't fall asleep or forget) I take my Novarel trigger shot. I have to be at my RE's office at 11am Thursday morning.

I have been very lucky that my Mom has been able to watch EJ for all of my appts. I would feel very awkward bringing him. There are a few signs asking not to bring children whenever possible and I'd hate to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I've been on the other end of that and it sucks to see kids where you least expect it..

My SIL did her first IUI today. She already has a daughter 3 months younger than EJ, but got PG then with only Clomid. If this works for her and my IVF works, our due dates will be two days apart. So, both sets of our kids will be the same age. I think it will be great for them to grow up together.

I guess that's it for now. I will post my ER results Thursday afternoon. And I'll let you all know if my ET will be Sunday (day3) or Tuesday (day5).

Hope you're all looking forward to Fall as much as I am :)

Let the games begin

Today is CD 1 of this IVF cycle. I finished my BCP's Wednesday night and I started spotting last night (Saturday). Luckily it was the very last day of our two week vacation. I'll write more about our vacation later...I'm tired and heading to bed. I have an appt at 10:45 am tomorrow with the IVF nurses for u/s and b/w. They'll call me in the afternoon with what shots I'll need to start tomorrow night.

Good-night ladies :)

IVF Protocol

I just spoke with my RE nurse and she said I'll be doing a microdose Lupron protocol. I've never done it before, but from what I read the Lupron doesn't start until I'm done with the BCP's. And it's a much lower dose than the long lupron protocol. Less Lurpon is good for me...I'd love to avoid the headaches and clouded-head feeling that comes with that drug.

I've never met this nurse before and so far I'm not a fan. She was too quick and didn't explain anything to me. I'll have to call back in a day or two to talk to one of the other nurses that I like to get all of my questions answered.

In case you haven't heard...the very first IVF baby born in the US (28 years ago) just had her first baby. She had a little boy and she conceived and delivered "the normal way" as she put it. Another poster said she'd wished the woman used any other word but "normal". But I can kind of see how she'd like to say something in her life was "normal" after all the attention she's gotten in her life because of how she was conceived. Anyway, it's great to know that IVF babies can/will go on in their lives to be proud parents. I hope EJ's life is at the least "normal" but I'd rather it be "extraordinary".

EJ is doing great. He's having a great summer swimming almost daily in my parents' pool. We're eating lots of ice cream too :) He's a super picky eater. He won't try anything new. He'll eat a ton of his favorites, but I really wish he'd try more "big people" food. He can't live forever on the jarred baby stuff and grilled cheese. LOL.

I've been terrible at taking pictures ever since he started walking. It's just to hard to keep a camera close by when we're running all over the house. Here are a few I've managed to take over the past few months...

Whiplash

I'm not exactly sure what just happened. I called my RE to say today is CD1 (AF arrived soon after my last post) and that we'd like to move to IVF. He said great...come in tomorrow for your baseline and we'll get you started on BCP's. I told him we'll be away for vacation at the end of this month and he said no problem, he'll give me two packs of pills so I can continue them while I'm away. The day after I get back I'll go in for more b/w and u/s. I already have a projected ER - 9/12. HOLY CRAP.

Now, I just hope Ed is ok with jumping into this so quickly. We'd assumed that we'd have an extra month to prepare for it. Plus, my RE's office will be closed in October so it's either now, or I start the pills in Nov with ER in Dec...not sure I'd like to wait that long.

RE also told me he would cut the costs since we're paying OOP. I'll get those details from him a little closer to ER.

Wow. Just wow. I really hope Ed doesn't put the kibosh on this. LOL.

12 dpiui

The brown spotting has stopped. Should I test or just wait for AF on Friday??

If this fails, we've decided to move ahead with IVF. We figured that we'd spend a lot of money on IUI cycles, and we don't have a very good record of them working for us. So we thought our best best is still IVF. We'll have to work out the finances of it all, but one of my very favorite (knocked up) people has already said she'd donate her leftover meds to me :) xoxo to her!

10 dpiui

Brown spotting.

Haven't POAS yet, but DAMMIT.

This feels like the beginning of the end.

IUI#1 (take 2)

We had our first IUI for baby #2 on Friday. It all went smoothly on my end, but DH's end could have been better. His count was only 400,000. We had the on-call RE and he said that the cut off is usually around 800,000, but he's seen IUI success with 300,000. So we did it anyway, but we're not too hopeful. I've said the mantra "it only takes 1" and I know that, but I'm still not planning on getting a BFP. Instead I'm planning a trip with DH to the urologist in a few weeks. Depending on what is found there, I'm sure we'll have to think about IVF again. The sucky part is that we have new insurance as of 8/1 and we have ZERO coverage for IF. Not even bloodwork or u/s that have always been covered before. And certainly no coverage for IUI. So that would be a waste of time and money to keep trying that route. Instead we'll have to investigate if we can get any kind of discount for the IVF cycle and see if I can find some donated meds.

In the end, baby #2 now seems like a dying dream and I'm going to have to come to terms with that some day. It just doesn't make sense for us to eat into our savings when we have EJ to take care of. If it was just the two of us, then we'd make sacrifices all over the place, but we're not sacrificing anything for EJ's sake.

Please keep us in your prayers that we find our way through this mess (once again).

Oh, I'm not exactly sure when I'll test, but it would probably be Friday 8/6 at the latest if AF doesn't show up before then. Luckily we have a dollar store around here so I can POAS and get my BFN for only a buck. LOL.

Hysteroscopy #2

This hysteroscopy wasn't nearly as bad as my first one. It was over in about 7 minutes. Aside from some cramping, there wasn't too much pain either. My RE said my uterus "looks like nobody has even been in there". Kind of an odd thing to say, but I get what he means...nothing residual after my last pregnancy with EJ.

CD 14 is Thursday 7/22 and it's my appt for an u/s to decide when our IUI will be. I'm back on Clomid and getting serious night sweats and mild headaches. In general I've been bummed to start this process all over again, but it got worse when we found out our insurance coverage is changing 8/1. Nothing IF related will be covered. Luckily we'll get one IUI in this month before the coverage changes. After that, it's all OOP for us. I know many are in the same sucky boat and it just blows. That makes IVF almost non-existent as a possibility for us now (not that Ed would ever want to do it again).

So, here's to hoping we get lucky on our first IUI. Seriously though, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. LOL.

On your mark. Get set...

I had my appt with my RE on Friday and he gave me a plan. Many of you know that I thrive on "plans". They give me purpose and a sense of direction. We went over my history since I last saw him two years ago and he wanted to hear every detail of my pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum. As I type this, I am spotting and expecting AF to arrive in a day or two.

And then...

--Set up hysteroscopy for one day next week. I had one a few years ago and you can read about it HERE if you like. I'm seriously hoping it's not that uncomfortable this time.

--Clomid 100 mg days 3 & 4.
--Clomid 50 mg days 5-6-7.
--Sex for "fun" (as my RE put it) on days 1-11.
--No sex day 12.
--Sex on day 13.
--Scan on day 14.
--Day of IUI depends on what the u/s shows.

If that IUI doesn't work, then he'd like to do another HSG to be sure my tubes are clear. If they are, I guess we'll do more IUIs. If not...who knows what we'll do then.

This is one of those rare times in a TTC journey when you WANT AF to show up, and I'll bet you all $5 that she's late.

And so it begins. Again.

I just called my wonderful RE to get started TTC #2. Well, technically we've been "trying" since EJ was born. We haven't had protected sex at all, and almost every month we've managed to BD during fertile days. So that makes 17 months of being unsuccessful. I'm sure you've heard the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"...I guess I'm "once infertile, always infertile".

There wasn't an available appt for three weeks - Friday July 2 at 1pm. That will give me plenty of time to get my mind geared up that we're actually going to go through this process again. I'm not quite sure how I'll handle the BFN's every month. Will it be as hard as it was when I wasn't already a mother? I'm just not sure, but I will certainly chronicle it here for anyone who is interested.

For those who may have forgotten (and don't want to read through my long history), here is why we're infertile:

- I have LPD (leuteal phase defect). I ovulate around day 20 (which is late) and I have low progesterone.

- DH has low count (it ranged anywhere from 250,000 to a few million. For one IUI it actually got up to 44 million). He blames steroid use...DH used to be buff. LOL.

- I suffered through RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss), 3 miscarriages total, and two lost twins. It was found through the RPL blood panel that I have a blood clotting disorder called PAI-1. I sustained my pregnancy with EJ with daily Lovenox injections.

My treatment history is a total of 5 IUIs (only one BFP from them), 2 fresh IVFs, and 2 frozen transfers. We have no more snowbabies in the freezer, so we're starting from scratch again. I'll find out for sure on July 2nd, but my guess would be to start with Clomid and an IUI. DH has changed jobs so we no longer have insurance coverage for IVF. I'm not really sure that will be in our future if the IUI's don't work. And I don't know how many IUI's we'll do before we agree on stopping.

This may be a very long road, and I'd like your love and support along the way :)

Just found this picture that cracks me up!

Hopefully not the first of many.

Friday night was pretty eventful in our house. Well, it started out quite normally. We had dinner and I was playing with EJ while Ed did the dishes. EJ loves a new trick he learned...walking ON the couch. He cracks up when he does it and then crashes into the cushions. I discourage it as much as I can, but it really is quite cute. But not any more. EJ was laughing and bouncing around and then took an awkward bounce and went right of the edge of the couch. I caught the bottom half of him, but since he's so tall now, his little head hit the ground. He instantly started screaming and I scooped him up as fast as I could. When I put his head on my shoulder he instantly stopped crying. When I pulled him around to see if there was a bump, to my absolute horror, his body was limp and his eyes were closed. It appeared that he lost consciousness. I screamed or gasped and that got his attention enough to wake him up and he started crying again. After a few minutes he was settling down and drinking some milk.

I immediately called his pediatrician. I know from all of the baby books that if there is a bump to the head followed by passing out, it's protocol to bring them into the ER. And of course the dr told us to take him right in.

We got to the ER around 10 pm (the best Pedi-ER is about 45 mins away, and it was pouring so it took almost an hour). EJ had fallen asleep after only a few minutes of the ride. The nurses there were excellent, knowing exactly how to handle a 15-month who screamed the WHOLE time he was examined. They did an initial exam just to be sure there was no bleeding in his ears and that his eyes weren't dilated. EJ then calmed down when the nurses and intern left and we waited for the actual doctor. We were so worried he was going to need a CT scan. I'm sure many of you know the dangers of being exposed to so much radiation (80x that of an x-ray), especially with him being so small. And even worse, they would have to sedate him if they needed to do the scan. What a complete scary thought. I just felt so awful for my little guy. He was cold in his mini hospital gown (which was quite adorable) so I bundled him up under my sweatshirt. We felt so bad for him that we even let him hold the hospital's remote control, which made him so totally happy. LOL.

The doctor came in a few minutes later and checked him out. She was confident that he was just fine and didn't need the CT scan. Yeah!!!! She said she believes he had a breath-holding spell in which sometimes little ones get so upset they hold their breath and pass out. I've heard many parents say their kids did it so I know it's common. But still VERY scary.

So we packed him back up and headed home. We got in around midnight and we all slept like babies that night. I did set my alarm to wake him up at 4am per the dr's request. Just to be sure he was doing ok. EJ got up Saturday morning and was his normal cheerful self with no signs that anything happened...not even a bump on his head.

Big sighs of relief.

15 months

EJ had his 15-month check-up today and he did awesome. He now weighs in at a hefty 20 lbs 10 ounces and is 32 inches long. He's grown over a foot since birth :) A few of his molars are coming (which explains a lot of the drooling and gnawing on his fingers).

He did have to get three shots, which made him cry. That just breaks my heart to see him in pain. He's such a trooper though. I had Teddy Grahams in my hand, along with his water bottle, so that helped him calm down pretty quickly.

For a few months now, his feet can touch the seat when he's in his car seat. He has pretty strong legs so he's able to bounce the entire car seat. The law is that they have to be a year old (which obviously he is) before turning around, but they also have to be 20 lbs. He was a few ounces shy of that at his 12-month check-up so I had to keep him facing back. That changed today! Yeah!!! I know it's safer to have them face the rear, but he could bounce his seat so much that it wasn't even level a few minutes into our car ride. So now it's anchored with the LATCH tethers facing forward and it doesn't budge. He also loves facing the front. And it's so much easier...we can just hand snacks/sippy cups right back to him when he gets fidgety.

So as some things get harder with age (running around to chase after him), things like longer car rides get easier as he's able to entertain himself with books or snacks.

He really is a great baby, and generally really easy. He's not the best sleeper in the world -- still doesn't sleep through the night more than 3 to 4 days a week, but that's getting better as each month passes. He's so funny and there isn't a spot on his body that isn't ticklish. He's just like his mother in that aspect :) It's so easy to get him laughing. Just sneeze or tell him he has stinky feet. For some reason he finds that HILARIOUS. He's got a quick and hot temper and he's a screamer and will instantly let you know when he's not happy. But that just usually lasts a minute or two until he finds something else to amuse him. Typically opening the refrigerator distracts him enough. It's funny how a BBQ sauce bottle can be soooo fun to a toddler. Haha.

We took him to see the Easter Bunny yesterday. While we were standing in line he wanted to crawl right over to the bunny. He couldn't get there fast enough. He was practically giggling when he got close. Then we put him on the bunny's lap and he screamed bloody murder. These little ones sure do keep you guessing!!

I guess that's it for now. I'm gonna go hug my munchkin :)

Touchy-touchy

Why do people have to be soooo super sensitive? Why do they have to read into things so much? Why can't they just take a comment/compliment without scrutinizing it? Why do people have to be so gosh darn moody? You can never tell if they're going to be happy, sad, realistic, optimistic, pessimistic, etc. I hate having to "test the waters" with some people before opening my mouth.

And on a similar note...why can't people just accept people for who they are? If you know I'm sensitive about something, why get mad at me when I react accordingly? Why do you want to change/inhibit me? If you've known me for two seconds, you know I think my opinion is always right. I think very highly of my opinion. LOL. So why act so surprised when I give my two cents? I have an opinion on EVERYTHING and give it very willy-nilly. It's who I am. IT'S WHAT I DO. You should know that about me by now.

And in closing...I never mean any harm. I'm not a mean spirited person. Again, know me for two seconds and you'll know that about me. I am very sarcastic, but I'm not a mean girl. I'm actually very nice and thoughtful. I am the person who sends flowers/gifts/candy/gift baskets for any occasion. And I'm always looking for an excuse to give a cute gift. It's not me showing-off at all. I just know I like to receive cute things so I figure everyone else does too. It's really that simple.

Vent over.

Brand name or generic?

Ladies, I've been out of the OPK loop for quite some time. Recommend your favorite one!

OPK's here I come

Ed and were sitting on the floor tonight playing with EJ and watching some TV. OUT OF THE CLEAR BLUE he starts this conversation:

Him: So, do you know when you'll be ovulating this month?
Me: (baffled) Not really, I'm trying not to pay attention to the dates in my cycles so I don't get overly obsessed about things since we're not TTC yet.
Him: Oh, well, why don't you pay attention this month?
Me: You mean like with OPK's and that kind of stuff??
Him: Yes.
Me: GASP!

I'm sure you can imagine that immediately my stomach flip-flopped at the thought of this, but once it settled I was overcome with excitement. Although, as I sit here alone in the dark I'm convincing myself that it's totally pointless and a waste of money. That I know in my head we'd need to do IVF (or at LEAST do a few IUI's) for us to get PG again. But for some reason my old hopeful ways are pushing through and I'm thinking wouldn't it be great if we could be one of those lucky couples who needed to go through hell to have their first child but then went on to get KTFU all on their own for the second (third, fourth) child???

And just as a little extra news fodder, I just learned this weekend that my Dad's cousin tried for six years to get pregnant. Then all of a sudden it worked and they went on to have four children in seven years. That is one trait I'd like to see run in our family. LOL.

One foot in front of the other

I have experienced one of the biggest thrills a new Mom anticipates...EJ took his first few steps!!!

Before any of you think it, yes I know he's a little on the late side. His cousin is 3.5 months younger and her first steps where a few days ago. But he's still in the "normal" range so there was nothing to be concerned about.

Those 5 steps were very wobbly, but he walked right into my arms :) He'd much rather crawl for now since he can get places so much faster doing it that way, but I'm sure it won't be long until he is running around the house. I'll feel better when he's more sturdy, but until then I'm counting on the occasional bump and bruise as he figures it all out.

And I don't think I've ever posted about his "wide" vocabulary...
Up
Cup
Mom mom mom mom (he goes on forever LOL)
Apple
And I swear he can say yogurt :)

He's learning to wave good-bye, but in my opinion it looks more like he's milking a cow. Does anyone remember the kid (little Jack??) in Meet the Fockers doing that????

And he's learned how to get down from the couch feet first, so now every time he's getting changed he tries to back off of the changing table. YIKES!

Finally, on a personal note, I had my yearly check-up this morning. It was the first time in a full year I've had to drop my pants at a doctors' appt. Hard to imagine I did that hundreds of times from 2006 - 2009. I don't miss it at all.

Just some cuteness...




My little guy climbed up all by himself..scary!

Bed-ridden

All of a sudden after dinner Thursday night my nose got really stuffy and my throat started to hurt. That is how all of my colds start so I figured that was what was coming.

Wrong.

I woke up Friday morning feeling really terrible. My head hurt and was very congested and my throat felt like it was in fire. I had plans with my Mom to go out for the day with EJ, but since I was feeling awful I was in no mood for a day at the mall (yes, I was THAT sick). So she took him (God bless her) and I chilled at home on the couch for the day. I felt worse and worse as each hour passed. She called after lunch and said she'd keep EJ until Ed got home from work. Awesome. Back to sleep. Ed brought pizza home around 5:30, I scarfed that down and then went right to bed. EJ would have been whining for me if he'd seen me, so it's easier to avoid that whole scene.

And I stayed in bed all weekend. Except for my trip to the dr. where I found out I had an upper respiratory infection. And let's toss in ear and sinus infections just to round things out. She prescribed antibiotics, cough medicine with codeine (YEAH!!) and Mucinex DM. Have you ever tried Mucinex? I works really well at loosening up mucous in your sinuses. And your crotch. For those of you still "in the trenches" of IF and in need of increasing CM, Mucinex is your friend. I needed a pantyliner this morning. LOL.

I started feeling better when I woke up today (Sunday), and I'm feeling even more normal this evening. Hopefully I'll be ready for our normal playing routine tomorrow.

I do have to say Ed has been wonderful ever since he walked in the door Friday evening. I have not heard one single cry out of EJ, and I'm jealous of all the laughing I hear. I can't even make EJ laugh like that! Ed has brought me all my meals in bed, and when I peaked earlier today the downstairs wasn't even a mess. We've called/texted each other so EJ doesn't hear my voice and he answers each call with "Hello and thank you for calling Big Ed's Catering Service. How may we assist you?" So he is even keeping his sense of humor through all of this.

He deserves some lovin' after I feel better :)

EJ's first class

Today was EJ's first day of class at Gym.boree. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a cute little class where the kids can play, sing, climb and explore. There is a "teacher" who leads the class in activities and keeps some sort of focus so there aren't seven munchkins just running around aimlessly.

Everyone in the class was super friendly and very excited to meet us. EJ was the second boy, so the mom of the first one was very glad that it wouldn't just be girls anymore. We took off our shoes and headed over to the gym mat. All the others were playing with toys and having fun. And EJ was stuck on me like super glue. For-the-entire-45-minute-class. He would claw at my sweater if I tried to put him down.

I got reassurance that it was common and in a few classes he'd be exploring with the rest of them. I was a bit surprised because I've never seen him act like this before. He may start out that way at my IL's, but usually after 10 minutes or so he's opening up. I guess he was just too overwhelmed today. At least we only signed up for one month at a time. Haha.

New plan of action

We have decided to wait to talk about having a second child until at least May. That will give me/us a few months to get our heads around that idea for many reasons...

Struggling to get PG again. What if an IUI doesn't work?
Deciding if I could handle suffering through another loss (God forbid!).
Do I want to put myself through the emotional stress of worrying EVERY DAY about a viable pregnancy (obviously I would rent another doppler. LOL.)
Do I want to go through the physical trials of a pregnancy (I got sick almost every day)?

I don't need a few more months. I know the answer is that I would move heaven and earth to give EJ a little brother or sister. Ok, so we'll wait until May so that Ed can get his bonus which will help pay for IF treatments. I guess the better reason would be to say that in those few months I will have to prepare myself for the struggles of IF cycles and the possible (God forbid!) fourth, fifth, etc. miscarriage.

In the meantime...we've decided to sell our house. We won't move far, just "upgrade" to a bigger/nicer home. And to get away from the complete @ssholes that live next door.

So, what's new with yall?

Putting the wheels in motion. Maybe.

I'm sure this post will rub some of you the wrong way as you're still hoping and praying for your first miracle. And for that I get it if you have nothing good to say to me right now. Really, I understand.

EJ is now past the year mark and we're starting to think about if/when we want to have another child. We couldn't afford another IVF (and we don't have any snowbabies left) but we are considering IUI's. I'm still not totally positive I'm ready to go through that again, and the possible loss that might follow a BFP...I am a "habitual aborter" after all. We haven't used any form of contraception in the past year, so here I am again finding myself the living definition of infertility...12 consecutive months of TTC without a BFP. Yup, I'm still broken.

I have heard COUNTLESS times in the past year of so-and-so who did IVF for their first child, or adopted, and then suddenly got PG on their own. I know we've all heard that over and over again. And it still irks me. I don't think I'm as bitter as I was before EJ, but to be honest it still makes me twitch when I hear "just relax and it will happen".

So in a nutshell I guess I'm just playing tug-of-war with myself. Some days I think we should go for it, and other days I think I must be crazy for wanting to put myself through that again (and so soon). If there is anyone out there who has thoughts on this, hypothetical or practical, please share them.

Birthday Boy!

Since EJ was getting over being sick on his actual bday, we pushed his party to the following weekend. He wasn't a huge fan of his chocolate cake on the 1st, so we did a birthday corn muffin for his party...which he licked up every little crumb!

He was spoiled with gifts and lots of love :)

Here are pictures from his actual birthday and his party.

Christmas Pictures

Here are some pictures from EJ's first Christmas morning and some other random cuteness ;)

EJ looooves to read...


EJ's favorite gift was the shower back-scrubber I got Ed...







EJ found Jimmy's doggie door...

EJ and Daddy sound asleep...

A Year in the Life

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY EJ!!!!!
You are the most wonderful thing that has happened to us. We love you more each day and we're so lucky and proud to have you as our son! Love, Mommy & Daddy xoxox

One of my favorite songs from the musical "Rent" inspired this post...

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?
It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life!

How would I measure the past year?
5000+ baby wipes used
2200 diaper changes
2200 bottles/meals prepared
1500 hours spent rocking my baby
1000+ outfit changes
365 midnight feedings
185 3am feedings
100+ loads of laundry
50 canisters of formula
40 boxes of diapers
2 vacations this year...1 to TX and 1 to NC
1 moment frozen in time when he said "Ma!" for the first time
Countless smiles and giggles that melt my heart daily :)

This has been the best year of my life. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for EJ and us as a family. It's hard to say it, but I don't have a "baby" anymore...I have a "toddler". There is a whole world out there waiting for EJ to explore and it's going to be so exciting to see it all through his eyes.