Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Putting the wheels in motion. Maybe.

I'm sure this post will rub some of you the wrong way as you're still hoping and praying for your first miracle. And for that I get it if you have nothing good to say to me right now. Really, I understand.

EJ is now past the year mark and we're starting to think about if/when we want to have another child. We couldn't afford another IVF (and we don't have any snowbabies left) but we are considering IUI's. I'm still not totally positive I'm ready to go through that again, and the possible loss that might follow a BFP...I am a "habitual aborter" after all. We haven't used any form of contraception in the past year, so here I am again finding myself the living definition of infertility...12 consecutive months of TTC without a BFP. Yup, I'm still broken.

I have heard COUNTLESS times in the past year of so-and-so who did IVF for their first child, or adopted, and then suddenly got PG on their own. I know we've all heard that over and over again. And it still irks me. I don't think I'm as bitter as I was before EJ, but to be honest it still makes me twitch when I hear "just relax and it will happen".

So in a nutshell I guess I'm just playing tug-of-war with myself. Some days I think we should go for it, and other days I think I must be crazy for wanting to put myself through that again (and so soon). If there is anyone out there who has thoughts on this, hypothetical or practical, please share them.

3 comments:

meinsideout said...

I have no advice - just here to say that I support you!

Debbie said...

it scares me to think about trying for a 2nd one, too. especially now that jacob's almost one and everyone keeps asking about it. it's okay to be scared. it's okay to play tug-of-war. we all support whatever decision you make. :)

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