Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Self Dx'ed

I feel so much better that I'm starting my FET protocol. I like having a plan. I like knowing that there are things within my power that I can do to help my cause. I couldn't figure out why I was so disinterested in starting my new cycle before AF arrived. I mean, I was looking forward to it, but there were days that went by that I wouldn't even think about it. Even worse, there were days that I didn't WANT to think about it. And it bummed me out to think I had to do this process all over again. That is unheard of for me over the past 2+ years of TTC.

Now that I've started it, I figured out why I felt that way. Because I couldn't do anything before now. There was no appt schedule to keep, no log of meds to check-off, no OPK's to obsess over, not even a glimmer of hope that I could get a BFP during those "break" months. I was just living my life and there was nothing I could do about this little project. I guess that annoyed me so I thought if I don't even think about it then I won't get disenchanted about the slim possibility of it actually working.

Now I am excited to be back in the saddle again. I know in all reality that it's out of my hands on whether or not an egg sticks, but at lease now I feel like I'm contributing something. I'm sure I don't make much sense; but I'm glad to be back on track and back on a schedule (with checklists, et al).

Now it's totally another story when my head starts to go nuts about where we'll be if this doesn't work but I won't even go there. I'll save all that drama IF it actually happens. But for now I'm going to continue on with optomistic posts that I will probably one day look back on and think "how could I have been so naïve???!!!".

4 comments:

Bec said...

I know exactly what you are saying hon, I need to be doing something to stay focused and feel in control. Having a plan is good.

Ariella said...

Having a plan is good just like the pp said. You are inmy thoughts and prayers that this FET works and sticks. I look forward to your updates, the good ones and even the doubtful ones. You are going tobe a fantasitic mother one day. I just wish I had a crystal ball to tell you when that one day would be.

Diana said...

Oh yes, definitely much better when you have dates and a schedule. You then feel proactive and it makes a huge difference! Best of luck to you!

Katie said...

I feel ya! You need something to look forward to. I'm excited for your FET this month!