I have to acknowledge it.

I tried all day to get it out of my head, but I have to say it. Today is October 18th. Today would have been the beginning of our second trimester and I would have finally felt like we were in the “safe zone”. It was the day that as soon as I found out we were PG, I figured out this was the date and I focused on it for the five weeks we lived in the bliss of being PG. I was so looking forward to this day and yet it’s here and it means absolutely nothing to me anymore. Ten years and two days ago (October 16th 1997) was the day I was admitted to the hospital with ARDS and put into a coma for six weeks. In the future, I would like to hibernate for this week every year since mid-October is just not a good time for me. It’s a shame. I absolutely adore the Fall (the colors, the weather) and I’m beginning to dread it. I am very sad. Devastated.