You Might Be Infertile IF...
......you'll do anything to fight the urge to sneeze because you're afraid your ovaries might explode.
...you're having hot flashes before you're 30.
...the word "relax" actually makes you more tense.
...your crotch has seen more action from an RE than your DH.
...you're afraid to go "number two" after an IUI for fear of pushing out the spermies.
...when you go to the obgyn you don't have to use the calendar when they ask you the date of your last period.
... you shave your legs for your RE appts but not for your DH.
... you know the pharmacists by name, and they know you by name.
... you can't plan anything in advance because it might be CD3.
... you take more medications than your parents or grandparents.
... the thought of the holidays makes you nauseous for fear of inevitable questions and yet another pg announcement.
... it's "if" this or that works and not "when" it will work.
... you refuse to paint the future nursery for fear of jinxing yourself.
... you cried on Halloween seeing all those adorable costumes on the little one's and their pg mothers.
...your DH has seen ultrasounds of your uterus and ovaries, and knows exactly what he is looking at.
...you know what a "Dildo-cam" is.
...you know what ovary likes to ovulate better than your RE and the nurse that does your u/s every month.
...you have more drugs than a heroine addict.
...you have lengthy discussions about the status of your cervical mucus.
...you are frequently violated with a huge plastic wand -- by your nurse.
... you speak to your RE in T-TTC acronyms.
...your husband doesn't think it's weird when you stand on your head after sex because who knows -- this might just be the ONE time you could get pregnant without the help of a team of specialists.
...KY is banned in your household as it kills sperm.
...you have forgotten what spontaneity is.
...your husband is tired of masturbating in clinics and complains about friction burns from having to do it too often (bad, I know!).
...your husband complains that he's seen all the porn in your RE's office and wonders when they'll get new issue...and this doesn't faze you.
...you actually get excited over shots.
...when someone says what day is it to day and you start to answer CD whatever and have to catch yourself.
...you DH knows more about the your monthly cycle than your primary care Dr.
...everytime you go to the bathroom you check CM.
...you live you life 2 weeks at a time.
...you met your insurance deductible for the year...in your first month of testing with the RE.
...when you'd rather have an internal u/s RATHER than have bloodwork done.
... if you remember special events by what day of your cycle they fell on!
...when you see the letters IF, you think "infertility" and not "if".
...if you have forgotten a CD is also an actual object containing music, or a type of investment, and not just a date.
Oh, if only it weren't so true...