Monday, November 26, 2007

I was glad to not have kids.

Honestly.

We spent Thanksgiving at my in-laws and we have 5 nieces and 2 nephews on DH’s side of the family. All are under 10. It was a crazy house with all of the kids running around, spilling drinks and breaking things. My in-laws were majorly annoyed b/c none of my SIL’s or BIL’s were watching their own kids. So DH’s parents had to take care of everything and clean it all up. This was one of the RARE cases over the past two years that I was actually glad I didn’t have a child in the mix of all that chaos. I know that I would have been caring after my children had they been there, but still I wanted no parts of being to blame for the disaster left behind.

Then I felt bad about thinking that. Like I was jinxing myself or something. I told DH about it in the car on the way home and he said he felt the exact same way. The next day we began our Christmas decorating and it’s one of my favorite days of the year. I am so desperately looking forward to the time when I have an extra stocking or two (or three or four) to hang for our children. I was in a great mood all day even though I expected it to be much harder than it was. I have my “Snow Babies” ornament and I thought of my 8 little “totsicles” when I hung it on my tree. And I had a smile on my face instead of tears in my eyes. I am very happy to have my FET in two weeks that I’m really looking forward to. I’m glad my m/c was two months ago and I’ve been able to heal emotionally and physically during that time.

I’m HOPEFUL.

3 comments:

Just a girl in the south said...

I'm so glad to hear you're hopeful. I hope this FET cycle is it for you! I will keep you in my thoughts and keep my fingers crossed. Good luck!

gracechild said...

i love xmas too. hope you have an extra secret to smile about this xmas

Diana said...

YAY for hope. So happy you are blessed with hopeful right now!