Monday, March 31, 2008

For Good (Reprise)

So I posted back in January after loss #3 about a song I heard on my way home from my RE's office when I found out about my blighted ovum. It was a song called "For Good" from the Wicked soundtrack. I'm sure some of you can relate to the song in the same way. I started BAWLING when I heard it on the radio and I hear it replay in my mind all of the time. And I have it on repeat as I'm typing this. It makes me think that I have forever been changed by "knowing" my four embabies (I've had three losses, with the last one being twins). Only now I'm not crying. I'm hopeful once again (my next post will talk about my new-found hope).

The words "Who can say if I've been changed for the better because I knew you? But I have been changed for good"are so true. I may never know the reason why I've experienced all of this pain, but it has changed the person that I am. I have never been a "mean girl" but this has all made me that much more compassionate. I appreciate things so much more. Things that make me happy, make me that much happier. I don't trivialize anything. I don't take anything for granted. I make sure I give Ed a kiss every chance I get, and tell him I love him whenever I can. I know I am truly lucky to have such a wonderful husband by my side after the past two years. I go that extra-mile to make my family happy or do things for them, especially those that came to my side when I needed them the most. I give Jimmy as many belly rubs as he can stand. He always came running to me when I started to cry and his cute face always made me smile.

I'm very grateful for the little bugger. He's my "furbaby" and he makes me as happy as any other family member can. He was there on the couch with me for a month when everyone else went back to work and back to their own lives. He was my daily reminder that I had to get up every day and go on with my life. I was forced to get up to walk him or else I'd have stayed in bed for hours on end. He was a huge part of my healing process. Where would I be without him? Probably still a crumbled mess in the same stinky PJ's from January. LOL.

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