Oh no, it's getting worse

Morning sickness. Scratch that. ALL DAY sickness. It's getting worse as the day goes on. The bloating is getting worse too. I can't find a good pair of maternity pants so I'm going to order some online from Old Navy. Hopefully they'll fit! I have a wedding to go to this weekend and I pray that my black dressy pants still fit. If not, a new outfit for me!!!! I so don't want to spend the money on a new outfit for a wedding where I don't even know the people. I'd rather spend it on a maternity outfit I'll be able to use for the next 8 months.

I'm finding it super hard to concentrate on anything at work. I am constantly on The Nest and reading other IF blogs and I'm totally fascinated by them. Work schmerk!!

Sorry, nothing really exciting to say today, but just wanted to check in anyway :-)

4 weeks, 5 days

I didn't hear from my nurse yesterday, which was like torture waiting by the phone. I called first thing this morning and got my 3rd beta results...1651!! WOW! I am right on track, and it's a little high. I'm guessing I have a singleton, but would love to be surprised with twins. I'll go back again this Friday to be sure I continue to progess as I should.

I think I need maternity clothes...already :-(

I'm attributing my bigger-than-it-should-be-at-4.5-weeks-belly to the fact that I had major bloating from my stims and I continue to be on P4 injections and E2 pills. All of that will continue until we have a heartbeat, which I'm hoping will be in about 2 weeks or so. I think I'll venture to the Target Maternity section today. I have just a few pair of pants that still fit and the change of seasons is coming soon so I'm not sure what in my Fall wadrobe will fit me. I'm THRILLED to have this problem!!!!!

Waiting by the phone...

Back from vacation and it was great to relax for four days. I love the beach and it was so peaceful. I told my family our great news and my Mom cried instantly. She was thrilled for us, and so happy that she’ll be a grandmother again J

I went for another beta today and I’m waiting for the results. I also had an u/s and I could see one little embryo!! It was amazing to see. My RE said there could be another one or two that pops up since we’re still so early. I would love to have twins/triplets so we wouldn’t have to go through this IVF thing again, even though we have frozen snow-babies. We would just end up donating them to a couple who was unable to produce their own “embabies”. I would love to be able to help someone else out like that.

Well, back to sitting by the phone waiting for my nurse to call with the beta results. Pray for a high number…we’re at 18 DPER so anything over 1000 would be good for us!

BFP!!!!!!!!!!

I got my BFP today! I’m 12 DPER and only 7 dp5dt. I am so excited and so scared at the same time. Praying I don’t miscarry again. My due date would have been in two weeks so I’m thrilled to have gotten my BFP before then. I’m going tomorrow for my beta so hopefully it’s a nice solid, high number. I won’t be able to go back until Monday to see if it’s doubling, so hopefully I’ll be able to keep my calm until then.

I’m trying to think of a way to tell DH – he had already left for work when I POAS. I just couldn’t help myself…I had to do it!!! I think I may get a cute onesie I saw at Target. It said “worth waiting for”. And we have done TONS of waiting every month since we started TTC back in March 2006…19 cycles ago. Phew. Maybe I’ll get some Baby balloons and tie them to the gift bag I’ll put the onesie in.

Ooohh…I can’t wait to tell my parents on vacation in two days. My Mom is going to wait up for us so maybe I’ll bring the balloons with me so we can walk through the front door with them. She will FLIP OUT!!!!!!! Oh, I can’t wait to see her reaction. I don’t know if she’ll scream or cry, but probably do a little of both.

I called my SIL to tell her this morning. I had to tell someone before I went nuts! Now she has to keep the secret while on vacation with my parents. I know she won’t tell, that’s why I had to tell her.

My stomach is doing flips and I’m stuck here at work. I wish I could get out early. I just can’t concentrate. I want to drive to DH’s office to tell him, but he works over an hour away so I can’t do it during my lunch hour. Oh well, he’ll have a nice surprise when he comes home tonight!!!!

I’m still praying this one STICKS!!!!

Still trucking along...

Today has been very blah for me. I do have to say that my bloating is going away quite nicely (just as my nurse told me it would), as well as my major cramping. This IVF cycle has been so different from the last. And I’m hoping that ‘different’ translates to ‘BFP’. LOL.

I went this morning for my b/w to make sure my hormone levels are in check. I didn’t hear from my nurse so I guess all is well and I’ll continue on my current dosages.

I want to change the name of PIO shots (progesterone in oil) to PIA (pain in the arse) shots. My backside is bruised and sore. The pain even woke me up in the middle of the night last night when I rolled onto my side. As if we IVF’ers don’t have enough going on, why not toss in a little PIA for us! Sure, we can handle it!!!!

Over the weekend I found out DH’s (unmarried) cousin is 12-weeks PG. I somehow rationalize the whole thing by saying that she’s 37 and is running out of time to conceive naturally, so good for her. It was actually planned and she was beaming with excitement so I’m happy for her. Sad for me though. I wish I could just be happy for someone unconditionally without having to rationalize in my head why it’s ok that she’s PG and I’m not (not yet anyway!). I did find out that one of my co-workers got a BFN this weekend. Once again I turn into my evil-hormone-crazed-self and delight in the fact that someone else has not gotten a BFP before me. She has only been trying for 7 months so she’s got to put in more time in order for me to give her sympathy (I blame this kind of talk on the hormones. They make me EVIL). A fellow TTTC’er once said that she first reads someone’s BFP story before posting her “congrats”. If she’s undergone treatments for infertility then she’s part of The Club. If not, to heck with her. I swear that sounds totally sane to me…remember this is the evil-hormone-crazed-me talking here. I am usually a very sweet and happy person. Infertility does crazy things to one’s mind (and body).

Anywho…

I’m going to POAS in three days so I’m keeping my hopes up the best I can. Good things come in threes right? Well, this cousin was #2 (DH’s other cousin was #1) and so I should be lucky #3 to get PG this year. Yup, that’s my plan and I’m sticking to it.

Another good thing is that I’m going to test while on vacation with my family so I will have my DH, Mom, and SIL all there to either lend me support or freak out with excitement (hoping for the latter!!!). That will be so much better than my last IVF where I was sitting at my desk when I received the call from my RE. I just couldn’t handle that again so I am a little more at ease knowing that I won’t be in my office when I get the call. I’ll be sitting on a beach with my toes in the sand, happy as a clam. If I get bad news, I’ll be a few steps from the blender and I’ll drown myself in banana daiquiris.

August 17, 2007 - 3dp5dt

It still makes me wonder sometimes when my life became outlined by how many DPO or DPER I am. When was the time that it was just "Friday"??

Anywho, my cramping is getting better every day, just as my nurse said. I'm 98% better. I feel it mostly when I walk so I'm trying to sit as much as I can. I'll be glad when this pain is over and I'm very hopeful that it will all be worth it in the end!

We have a low-key weekend ahead of us. House-warming party Saturday night and just relaxing on Sunday. Taking it nice as easy as my RE suggests after IVF.

Nothing too exciting going in my IF world. This 2ww isn't as bad as previous ones, and I'm not sure why. I still think about it as much but I'm not 'obesssing' like I've done in the past. I'm already 8 DPER and it went by in a blink. I think I just jinxed myself for the next week though. LOL. My backside is starting to get sore from my PIO shots so I'm going to try the ice trick tonight.

I go to my RE on Monday for b/w to check my hormone levels. Hopefully all will be ok.

August 14, 2007 - ET was today

Everything went very well at my ET today. It was a day-5 transfer and I have 3 'excellent' blasts in me right now. One was actually starting to hatch in the picture my RE gave us. It looks like my HS science book and I find it all so fascinating!

My cramps are getting better, but still very much here. My nurse said today would be the worse of it and I should feel better each day. I hope she's right!!! I have had all of the s/e that she mentioned after my ER and they are 10x worse than IVF #1. Constipation was new this cycle and I'm getting over that now...I don't know which is worse: the actual constipation or getting over it. Blech.

I'm on 24-hour bedrest so back to the couch I go to watch some movies and eat ice cream :-)

Friday, Aug. 10, 2007

Still a lot of cramping today. MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR bloating. RE says I should expect alot since I had 25 oocytes pulled out of me.

I got my fert report:

21 were fertilized with ICSI
13 grew overnight into embryos
8 were frozen (yeah!!!!)
5 are in the dish, growing until my ET! Grow embabies, grow!! I'm hoping they'll put three back in, like IVF #1

I'll find out tomorrow if I have a day 3 or 5 ET.

Thurs. August 9, 2007 - ER today!

My ER was this morning and they pulled out 25 oocytes. 21 were mature eggs and all will be fertilized with ICSI. I am in a lot of pain today - major cramping. I'm going to sit on the couch with a heating pad for the rest of the day. I'll post my fert report tomorrow!

Bloating. Sucks.

I have never seen my belly so distended. It's really grossing me out. I have about three pairs of pants/skirts that still fit me and my underwear is getting super tight. I have 25 follies they're tracking and I hope they all have eggs in them! My RE says this bloating is nothing compared to what I'll have after my ER. Gawd I hope he's wrong!!!!

My new protocol seems to be working. I only had 13 follies at this point last IVF cycle. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!!!

Our IF journey so far...began March 2006

Our first appoint with my RE, Dr. T was on Halloween 2006. DH's favorite holiday and I was making him go to a doctor. We have been trying since 03/06 with no luck. I've been charting my temp and it looks like our timing has been great. But still nothing.

I had diagnosed myself with LPD. I don't O until CD 20 and my LP is only 10 days long...not nearly long enough for an embryo to nestle into my uterus.

My RE ordered my bloodwork immediately and DH went right away for his SA. He was seething that he had to do this. I was a bit shocked at his reaction. I mean, I was not thrilled that we had to do all of this, but he was TICKED OFF about doing his business in an office. I have no time for his behavior. He's not the one who had to endure countless internal ultrasounds while AF was still here!

We hoped our IF road will be a short one. We were wrong. At that first visit, Dr. T asked if we wanted to get PG this month and we said "Of course, that is why we're here!"

November 2006 - Round 1 of Clomid + trigger + IUI = BFN.
December 2006 - Round 2 of Clomid + trigger + IUI = BFP!!!!!!!!

We were through the roof excited! It was perfect timing, we could tell our families at Christmas. It was perfect! I framed little baby poems in baby picture frames and gave them to our parents as gifts. It was magical. It was the best Christmas of my life.

Dec. 28 I started to spot. My stomach sank and I knew what was about to happen. I had a miscarriage. My life fell apart. A week later I had a D&E and it was all gone. My hopes and dreams felt like they were ripped out of me. I cried at the drop of a hat for a month.

We were back in the saddle in February repeating the same steps at before. BFN.
March, more of the same, another BFN.

In April 2007, I decided I needed to find a new RE. We went over my history and decided that IVF would be the next course of action for us.

I did IVF #1 in May 2007 - BFN.
They don't do two IVF cycles in a row, so June was back to Clomid and IUI, BFN.

July started my BCP's for IVF #2 and me trying to convince myself to stay hopeful.

I started my stims for IVF #2 on July 29. I have a new protocol, inlcuding the BCP's, Lupron, and a new dosage of Gonal-F and Menopur. I am hoping that doing things differently will be the trick for us.

I continue to go for b/w and u/s every other day. My office has been great, giving me the time off I need. I haven't gone into details with them, but they know I am seeing a doctor and having "procedures" done.

My body is getting tired, I've gained about 10 lbs since the start of my fertility drugs back in November and I've not been able to exercise as much as I'd like. On the plus side, my nails have never been nicer thanks to my PNV's!

I think I'm keeping a great attitude about all of this. I get emotional at times, but in general I think I'm doing well.