Still waiting

And I don't feel anything. Every once in a while I feel a twinge in my abnomen but it's nothing like the constant cramping I felt after my last BFP. That could be b/c I haven't had an ER this time, but who knows?? I have been extremely tired and lightheaded. I don't feel myself and I just feel kind of outside of my own head. I also have these tiny red bumps all over my chest and I can feel them in my scalp. WTF is that all about??

I am really enjoying my time off from work. I'm off until Jan. 21st. YEAH!! I've been relaxing with my dog and I even baked some Chirstmas cookies yesterday. I'm loving spending so much time in front of our pretty tree and watching as many Christmas movies as I can find on TV. I've been good at getting up early every day, getting showered and dressed and not napping much. I don't want to get into that habit or else it would be very tough to go back to work next month.

I am especially enjoying this injection-free month. Looking back, those daily shots really stressed me out so I'm glad everything I'm taking now is in pill form. DH is glad too, he said that it really bothered him to give me that huge shot in my ass every night. I really don't think he had it a fraction as bad as I had it, but we all know women are much stronger then men :D

Well, I go for a b/w check tomorrow. Since I didn't take an hCG trigger or booster this cycle I'm guessing that ANY hCG they see will be good news, right?? I wonder if they'll call me if I have any show up in my b/w?? I think I'm going to test Saturday morning. That would be 12 dpo and I should get an accurate result. Our annual family holiday party is that night and I would like for DH and I know if we're PG or not. We'd never tell anyone, but it would be easier to handle all the babies and PG women if I knew I got my BFP. However, a BFN could ruin the night. I'll have to think about it and weigh which would be worse. If I didn't know I would be avoiding them at all costs.

Oh, and today I got an invite to DH's cousin's baby shower next month. I cried just looking at it with the little stamps of baby hands and feet :( I think if I get a BFN I'm not going. There is no way I could keep my composure at a baby shower after all I've been through, especially just a few weeks after a failed FET. We'll see. Let's think positively though. I will get my BFP and I will get to go to the shower :)