Anniversaries

May 1st evokes a mixture of emotions out of me.

May 1, 2008 was EDD #2 for me (out of 4 total). That pregnancy ended with no heartbeat at 8w4d. That EDD was burned in my brain for I thought that there was no possible way I could have two miscarriages in a row. I mean, what are the odds of that?? I soon learned that they were slim, but still existent and I fell into that small group of women. Little did I know then that I would be part of the even smaller group of women who would have to endure three miscarriages.

May 1, 2008 was also the date of FET #2. It was the last two of our snowbabies and we knew it was the last try at IVF since we had no more insurance money left for a fresh cycle. All of my eggs were literally in one basket and I felt my every life's happiness was riding on that FET. It was a very scary day. And I felt it was kind of doomed from the beginning since it held the horrible memory of being EDD #2.

Well, for all of you who have been following my story, you know that FET worked and I now have a wonderful little guy, EJ, who is four months old today :) And for as happy as I am, May 1st will always be burned in my brain as one of my EDD and I will always remember that this was the date that EJ began his own life's journey by burrowing in with a Mommy who loved him so much even though he was just a few small cells.

I pray that all of you still on the TTC journey don't have any more "bad anniversaries" and know that while it does get easier over time, you may never forget. And that's ok. There is no rule that you can only feel one emotion at a time. It will help you appreciate and love your little bundle of joy even more than you ever thought possible.