I think my body works now.

TMI ahead…

In my entire life, ever since I went through puberty, I have NEVER felt my body O. I never had cramps or anything. I never knew for sure where I was in my cycle, and AF would just come and go once a month and I never gave much thought to it. I was on BCP and I was never late so I never paid attention to my cycles. I was on BCP from the time I was 16 (oh please don’t judge LOL) until Ed and I started to TTC when I was 28. So that is 12 years of never really thinking about my cycles, as long as AF came once a month, which she always did.

At this point in my life I have gone through 3 m/c’s, which obviously means I’ve been PG three times. And I think my body finally “gets” it. I can now feel when I O!! I only know that it is O that I’m feeling b/c I’ve been through enough assisted cycle where I know exactly when I O (thanks to a trigger shot). I have never felt this stuff before…I have two days in my cycle where I have EWCM and then wham! The cramping and bloated feelings begin for two days. The only other times I felt this was during my two fresh IVF cycles, and the one normal cycle I had after my last m/c before we started my frozen FET.

I wish I could translate this realization into some fabulous procreation but for now I will settle for the fact that I have a bit of a precursor for when I will O. I can stop the game of BD’ing every other night…or every single night…from CD 12 to CD 22 to “cover our bases”. Phew. This feels like a huge load has been lifted in regards to wondering if my body is in fact working properly concerning my O.

Now I still have to remember that we have a VERY low sperm count and my P4 seems to be low. But other than that we have no reason for us to still be childless. I have another 2 weeks or so to get my RPL blood panel back and I’m desperately praying we find something wrong there. If that comes back normal, well then I just feel S-O-O-L (shit out of luck) in the baby department. My only hope then would be that I turn into one of those amazingly lucky people who conceived after many rounds of IVF and m/c’s on a break”.

But for now, there is still hope…