Monday, February 11, 2008

Once again, I'm at ZERO.

Zip.
Zilch.
Nada.
Niente.

Zero.

My beta, that is.

Even though I know it should be zero since that means the D&C cleared everything out and my body is getting back to normal, I still hate to hear my nurse say "hCG...zero". And my P4 is only 2 so that means I haven't O'd yet this cycle which mean my first post-m/c AF is still weeks away. Sigh. And the waiting continues.

At least this zero means I can get going with my RPL blood panel. I'll schedule it one day this week but I'll have to wait about 3-4 weeks for my results to come in. Ed is also going to have his karotyping (sp?) done. Hopefully we'll rule out any kind of issue with him. And if the issue is with me, I hope it's something simple that can be easily fixed. I don't know what I'll do if Ed and I both come back as normal. That would mean that we don't have any explanation for our three losses this year. I need a reason. If there is no reason, I don't know that I could continue TTC b/c I don't think I could handle another loss. But, I also didn't think I could handle IVF, or IVF #2, or m/c #2, or m/c #3. We'll see. There is nothing I can do for the next month except wait for my results. I'll have to find something to occupy my time.

Hopefully that "something" will be house hunting. We don't want to serisouly look for anything until we get an offer on our house, which could be months. But I still love looking. I love looking at new models and I love the character in older homes. I don't know what I like better, there are pros and cons to each. We were in an old house yesterday and Ed and I both swore it was haunted. There were steps in the bedroom that went to nowhere. Seriously. Steps that went right into the wall. That would creep me out something fierce if I lived there. LOL. Obviously the prior owners did some renovating and closed off whatever attic was up there, but come on, don't you think they would have removed those steps?? It was odd. But at the same time, it was pretty neat to see.

I got asked to foster another dog and I just don't think I can do it right now. I need to keep as stress-free as possible. I'll do it if it's in dire need, but I really hope we can find someone else.

Ed's aunt also told me about her friend who does Reiki. She was talking to this woman about my "situation" and the friend said she thinks Reiki would do me some good. So I'm going to give her a call and set up an appt. It couldn't hurt to try at least. It's supposed to help heal the mind which in turn heals the body. It eliminates stress, which I seriously need help managing. I'm going to Google it to learn a little more before I go, but from what I know so far it sounds very interesting to me.

2 comments:

Ariella said...

Your beta getting back to normal means you can try agian after AF right?

I hope your RPL of Kyreotyping (sp?) comes back with an answer for you guys. Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Trish said...

Yeah. I think with all the testing, it's a catch 22. You need there to be something wrong so you can fix it.. but then.. something is wrong.

I always say they need to find something simple & easy to fix.

Getting back to zero is the first step in the right direction, though. So congrats. Bittersweet congrats.. but congrats.