Monday, January 26, 2009

My promise to you

I just read one of my favorite blogs and I was struck by what the poster, Emily, said..."I am not the positive, happy, glass half-full kind of girl that I always used to be. I try to be, but I think a piece of that girl is gone forever."

That struck me more than I can say. I want to tell all of you ladies still dealing with IF and PG Loss that you will be a glass half-full kind of girl again. Many of you know about my IF struggles and multiple losses and know that there were many times I felt complete and utter sadness that I would never have a baby. And here I am today with my precious little boy from FET #2.

I had become a very sad girl. I wasn't hopeful and I was very angry towards anyone pregnant or with a young child. I had begun thinking and planning my life to be "child-free". I cried daily. And while Ed and I grew stronger as a result of our struggles, it all certainly put a strain on our marriage from time to time. I was obsessed with all things relating to fertility treatments and what I could do differently to make each new cycle a success. When each one failed, or I suffered another miscarriage, I cried. Actually, I sobbed. Inconsolably. I cried forever it seemed. I let it all affect my friendships, some to the point of no repair.

But I want to express to you with no uncertainty that it all went away the second I heard my son cry for the first time when he was born. I was suddenly filled with hope for what his future would hold. I find myself giggling when he makes those cute little baby sounds. I find myself living up to everything expressed in the "Thoughts on Becoming a Mother" message I have at the side of my blog. I find myself being very sentimental now, but it's not with the heaviness and sadness of the past three years. I feel that I have so much to live for now and I'm excited to start every new day to see what my little guy will do each day.

I promise that when you each have your little miracles, you will return to your "old self" and you will reclaim all of those wonderful qualities that will make you the best mother possible to your little angels.

My body betrayed me. I fought back. And I won.

5 comments:

Lisa said...

Maria - you are the best, what a great post. Thanks for dishing out some hope, which can be scarce.

BTW - EJ is freaking gorgeous.

Emily said...

Oh Maria! Thank you for this post. Thank you for the reminder that it won't always be this way...

I am so happy for you and Ed. EJ truly is a miracle and your story gives me hope each and every day.

My heart is happy that you are a glass half-full kind of girl again

Thank you...

momma mimi said...

Thank you Maria for the wonderful post. All of us in the trenches need to hear this. Gives us hope again.

I love the little picture on the right of EJ. So cute.

Katie said...

I'm so happy that you are a half-full kind of gal. You deserve it. So Mrs. Half-Full, can we see some more pics of the babe??

P.S. I gave you an Honest Scrap award on my blog :)

Tracy said...

If it wasn't 3 am, I would be cheering at the top of my lungs!

I'll have to settle for some wet sloppy tears running down my cheek instead.

((hugs))