Closing the floodgates :(

A couple of weeks ago I posted about the possibility of me not being able to breastfeed due to breast milk jaundice with EJ. Well, he turned yellow again and his bilirubin numbers are back up :( So that means no more breast milk for him and we have to transition him back to formula. I'm very disappointed, but at least it's nothing major and very easily correctable.

I have a ton of frozen milk and I'm trying to find out how to go about donating it. If anyone knows how to do it, please let me know. I hear there is a place in Ohio but I first must have blood work done (which they pay for) before they'll accept it. I'm sure they'll check my blood type and test for any communicable diseases.

Other than that, things are great. EJ's growing like a weed and I see more smiles every day. We have just moved him into the next size clothing. He's been in Newborn and he's now fitting into 0-3 months. It's kinda sad to think of him getting bigger but also very exciting.

Zero Refills Remain

First off, I want to say that I'm thinking of you this morning, Katie :)

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Last night was a hugely momentous night for me. It was my last Lovenox injection. The prescription box even says "zero refills remain". It says the same on my Gonal-F box, my Menopur, Novarel, Ovidril and Gonarelix boxes, my steroid pack, my antibiotics bottle and even all the way back to my Clomid bottles.

I am DONE taking fertility medications. I cannot believe it. I have had some sort of medication in me since my first RE visit back on October 31, 2006. This is so freeing not to have to worry about what pill/injection to take at what time, and to pack it in my purse if I won't be home. No more sneaking off to the restroom in a public place to "shoot up". LOL. My stomach is screaming "thank you!!!" as it will now be free of needles and the subsequent bruising.

Ahhhhhhhhh.

Friggin hilarious!

I'm sitting here at my computer checking out Facebook, shopping online, just meandering around while EJ is napping. Jimmy is on the bed next to me. He's rolling around and stretching, trying to get close to me for a good belly scratch. He then rolls away from me and as I turn to look back to my computer screen I hear a big thud. The bed is now empty.

Where did Jimmy go?

He fell off the bed.

He peeks his little head around the corner of the bed and looks at me all sad with his ears down low. Poor little guy looks embarrassed.

I'm now laughing so hard my belly hurts.

Thanks, Jimmy, for bringing some joy to my afternoon!!

It's the small things...

Who would have known there would be such a difference in pacifiers? EJ never really was interested in his much unless he was really upset and used it just to soothe himself and then he'd spit it out. But then I bought this kind and he just loves it.He takes it much easier and well before he gets to his point of being REALLY upset and crying hard.



Now for the entertaining part of all this. I don't have video of EJ, but I found this on YouTube and it is what it looks like when he's sucking on it.

Click here.

Finally put my finger on it.

I have had many moments since EJ was born that I have felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety. I had no idea what I was anxious about though. I would run through a check-list in my mind...

EJ is fed.
EJ is bathed.
EJ is sound asleep.
Jimmy is fed.
Jimmy was walked.
The stove isn't on.
The laundry is done.
Dinner is in the oven.
My flat iron is turned off.
Everything is fine.

I'd have to repeat to myself that everything is in order and nothing was about to catch on fire. Then it dawned on me. I have had something to be anxious about for so long that it has now become part of me. I have either had to worry about remembering to take a pill/injection, remembering to keep an RE appt, obsessing about what CD I was on, when I'd "O", when I could test, what was this bleeding, what was this cramping, what was this other random pain, was there still a heartbeat, could I feel him kicking????? The list goes on.

And now I have none of that. And I don't know what to do with myself. It's hard to turn that part of my brain off after three years and just enjoy everything right now. Don't get me wrong, I'm as happy as a pig in sh!t, but every now and then I feel that pit in my stomach out of habit and I have to remind myself that everything is just as it should be.

I never thought I would be here.



Maybe a nice shot of vodka would quench that anxiety?? LOL.

If you don't like the Eagles...

Maybe you'll like the Flyers?? LOL.

Kristin...

Totally LMAO at your comment in my last post. That caught me so off guard. I hadn't thought about the penis hat in quite some time :)

Open the floodgates

I can't remember if I posted about this before, but EJ and I were dealing with incompatible blood types and that was affecting the breast feeding. Since he's A+ and I'm A- my pediatrician thought that was stopping his jaundice from clearing up. She had us go to strict formula feedings for two weeks and I pumped and froze my breast milk that whole time. I can't tell you how much that sucked. I was living my life in three-hour cycles...feeding him, pump, change diapers, repeat.

At his one-month appt on 2/3 we found his bilirubin levels were significantly lower which means the jaundice is clearing up. And most importantly I was told I could breastfeed again!! I was so worried that due to the incompatibility he would have to be formula-fed. So now we're weaning him back onto breast milk so hopefully I can stop pumping in a week or so. The best thing from all of this is that I have totally built up a great frozen stash of my milk. That will come in handy for all of his sleepovers at my parents' house or when I'm out and Ed feeds him. Just keep your fingers crossed that he doesn't turn "yellow" again the jaundice stays away!!

Here he is all dressed up in the Eagles gear his Uncle Ray & Aunt Annie sent him!