She’s baaaa-aaack!!

AF finally arrived today. Yeah! I’m on CD 53 after my m/c on 9/24 and I’m actually glad to see her (for the first time in 21 cycles). I have a CD 3 u/s and b/w on Sunday and I’ll start my BCP’s and gear up for my FET. As I posted on the PG Loss Board, I do well with a plan so I’ll be glad to start my protocol. I like having a date to look forward to. I’m guessing my transfer will be the week of Christmas so I’ll be praying for my own little Christmas miracle!

Last year I got my first ever BFP on 12/22 so I’m hoping the BFP comes back to celebrate the holidays with me. I’m very glad I won’t know anything before Christmas. If it was a BFN that would ruin the entire holiday season for me and it’s my absolute favorite time of year. Hopefully the holiday cheer with get me in the right mindset to encourage a nice Sticky Baby.

It’s been nice not running to the RE’s office once/twice a week for a while. I’ll go this Sunday and then not back until I’m done my 3 weeks of the pill. Then I may go only once or twice until they thaw my “totcicles”. An FET cycle is so much less-involved than a regular IVF. It’s a walk in the park in comparison. LOL.

I’m also planning on taking some time off from work after my transfer. I need to be able to relax and work really stresses me out. I know many women think it’s crazy to need time off, but my first two IVF’s obviously didn’t “stick” so I need to try something different. I’m going to hang out with my dog, and just do whatever I want during my time off. I’m going to try to stay at as much peace as I can…even go for a few massages/manicures/pedicures to keep the tension away. Call me a sissy if you want, but after the stress I’ve been under for the past 9 cycles of IUI’s/IVF’s, having 2 m/c’s and this upcoming FET, I think I deserve some time to myself. Does it sound like I’m justifying this to myself or what?! LMAO.

I’m officially late.

But I won’t POAS. I always have a 10-day LP and today is day 10 and my temp was still up this morning. There is no way in hell I’m going to test until this time next week. I’m sure my cycle is just a bit screwy after my m/c and I’m not going to waste an HPT and deal with the emotions of a BFN. I will just wait patiently for AF’s arrival.

(Twiddling my thumbs impatiently…LOL)

Things have been going really well for me lately. I know it’s my frame of mind. I’m enjoying NOT TTC and dealing with the related stresses. DH and I have our relationship back and we’re having fun with each other again like we used to. We’re not so focused on TTC & doctor’s appts and we’re just leading our life like a normal couple. It’s really nice.

As soon as AF arrives I’ll start on BCP’s so that will give us three more weeks of living in ignorant bliss again. I’m going to enjoy every minute of it! This time last year we were doing our first IUI and it made for a devastating Thanksgiving when we got the BFN. We were so optimistic, and naïve about the whole RE process. I’m much more grounded about it now. I think I’m more level-headed and a realist about it for the most part. I certainly have my hopeful and optimistic moments but I try to stay cool, calm and collected the best I can. I’ve learned a lot, not only about the physical/clinical aspects but I’ve also learned how I react emotionally and how I can help myself through the hard times.

It feels good to be so positive again. Sorry, I know that can make some of you sick. LOL :-)

Reilly was adopted :-) and :-(

As you can imagine, I have total mixed emotions about it. I am so sad she’s gone. She was the cutest little peanut I’ve ever seen, and she made me laugh constantly. However, I’m so happy we found her a great “forever home”. The family came on Sunday and their dog instantly started playing with Reilly. Their daughter was thrilled to have her sleep in her bed, so I know she’ll be loved. It’s just hard to let go. I cried, of course. But, just like my prior foster, she will go on to be very happy and now we have room in our home to foster another dog needing some TLC. I have a great picture of her I’ll add to my collection, and in case you’re wondering, NO it won’t be the one of her in the diaper. LOL.

Nothing new on the TTC front. I think I’m 6 dpo so this is my first 2ww after my m/c. I’m not holding out much hope and just praying AF is on time so I can start my BCP for the FET next month. DH and I have gained our wonderful sex life back. Since we haven’t had the stress of having “TTC sex” or not being able to have it at all, it’s wonderful to be back to our old selves in that department!

Stole this from Bailly who stole it from Bunny who stole it from TTTC

You Might Be Infertile IF...

......you'll do anything to fight the urge to sneeze because you're afraid your ovaries might explode.

...you're having hot flashes before you're 30.

...the word "relax" actually makes you more tense.

...your crotch has seen more action from an RE than your DH.

...you're afraid to go "number two" after an IUI for fear of pushing out the spermies.

...when you go to the obgyn you don't have to use the calendar when they ask you the date of your last period.

... you shave your legs for your RE appts but not for your DH.

... you know the pharmacists by name, and they know you by name.

... you can't plan anything in advance because it might be CD3.

... you take more medications than your parents or grandparents.

... the thought of the holidays makes you nauseous for fear of inevitable questions and yet another pg announcement.

... it's "if" this or that works and not "when" it will work.

... you refuse to paint the future nursery for fear of jinxing yourself.

... you cried on Halloween seeing all those adorable costumes on the little one's and their pg mothers.

...your DH has seen ultrasounds of your uterus and ovaries, and knows exactly what he is looking at.

...you know what a "Dildo-cam" is.

...you know what ovary likes to ovulate better than your RE and the nurse that does your u/s every month.

...you have more drugs than a heroine addict.

...you have lengthy discussions about the status of your cervical mucus.

...you are frequently violated with a huge plastic wand -- by your nurse.

... you speak to your RE in T-TTC acronyms.

...your husband doesn't think it's weird when you stand on your head after sex because who knows -- this might just be the ONE time you could get pregnant without the help of a team of specialists.

...KY is banned in your household as it kills sperm.

...you have forgotten what spontaneity is.

...your husband is tired of masturbating in clinics and complains about friction burns from having to do it too often (bad, I know!).

...your husband complains that he's seen all the porn in your RE's office and wonders when they'll get new issue...and this doesn't faze you.

...you actually get excited over shots.

...when someone says what day is it to day and you start to answer CD whatever and have to catch yourself.

...you DH knows more about the your monthly cycle than your primary care Dr.

...everytime you go to the bathroom you check CM.

...you live you life 2 weeks at a time.

...you met your insurance deductible for the year...in your first month of testing with the RE.

...when you'd rather have an internal u/s RATHER than have bloodwork done.

... if you remember special events by what day of your cycle they fell on!

...when you see the letters IF, you think "infertility" and not "if".

...if you have forgotten a CD is also an actual object containing music, or a type of investment, and not just a date.

Oh, if only it weren't so true...

You asked for it...

Oh I feel so bad embarassing my sweet little Reilly like this, but everyone asked me to post this picture. And as Dr. Girlfriend coined the term, it's quite patharious (a combination of pathetic and hilarious). She's right! This is my foster (she's a Basenji puppy) and she's one of the sweetest dogs I have EVER met. I'm going to have a hard time giving her up when we find an adoptive family.

Here she is with doggie diaper on. As I posted before the little squirt got AF before I did so I had to put something on her and I had no way to affix my maxi pads. So off to Petco my DH went and came home with diapers that have the little hole cut out for the tail.

Doesn't it just make you smile? LOL.

AF paid my house a visit...but not to me...

For the love of all things good, you have got to be kidding me!

As I posted below, you can see that I’ve been fostering a little female dog. Well, she got her period yesterday. Now how unfair is that!! My little canine companion gets a visit from AF but she’s still MIA for the past 42 days for me!!!

I guess the AF gods were taking me a little too literally. When I said to pass AF on to my house, I should have specific her to visit ME and not my dog!!! GEESH!!!!!!!!

I'm still hoping to O in the next day or so. I'm charting my temp so I will know when it happens and then when I can expect AF. DH has been sick for days so there has been no BD'ing for us (ho hum). Not that I really think it would work for us, but my goodness I would love one more chance at doing it au naturale before I start my BCP for my FET. Maybe I can coerce him tonight? I'll load him up with NyQuil and just as he gets drowsy and weak, I'll pounce on him. LMAO.

He breaks my heart

DH and I were watching Flags of our Fathers (is that what it's called??) and the end of the movie really got to him. It was the part when the father and son where in the hospital and talking about what kind of Father he had been.

DH lost it...tears coming down his face. All he could muster to say was "I just want to be somebody's Dad so badly." Then I lost it. It was heartbreaking. All I could think to say was "I'm doing everything in my power to try to make that happen for us."

Then we just held each other. This is really taking a toll on us, but I am so glad we're getting through this together. Some days are just worse than others, especially when something like that movie triggers emotions. I can see how IF and m/c can tear couples apart. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful man as my husband. I love him.