Bed-ridden

All of a sudden after dinner Thursday night my nose got really stuffy and my throat started to hurt. That is how all of my colds start so I figured that was what was coming.

Wrong.

I woke up Friday morning feeling really terrible. My head hurt and was very congested and my throat felt like it was in fire. I had plans with my Mom to go out for the day with EJ, but since I was feeling awful I was in no mood for a day at the mall (yes, I was THAT sick). So she took him (God bless her) and I chilled at home on the couch for the day. I felt worse and worse as each hour passed. She called after lunch and said she'd keep EJ until Ed got home from work. Awesome. Back to sleep. Ed brought pizza home around 5:30, I scarfed that down and then went right to bed. EJ would have been whining for me if he'd seen me, so it's easier to avoid that whole scene.

And I stayed in bed all weekend. Except for my trip to the dr. where I found out I had an upper respiratory infection. And let's toss in ear and sinus infections just to round things out. She prescribed antibiotics, cough medicine with codeine (YEAH!!) and Mucinex DM. Have you ever tried Mucinex? I works really well at loosening up mucous in your sinuses. And your crotch. For those of you still "in the trenches" of IF and in need of increasing CM, Mucinex is your friend. I needed a pantyliner this morning. LOL.

I started feeling better when I woke up today (Sunday), and I'm feeling even more normal this evening. Hopefully I'll be ready for our normal playing routine tomorrow.

I do have to say Ed has been wonderful ever since he walked in the door Friday evening. I have not heard one single cry out of EJ, and I'm jealous of all the laughing I hear. I can't even make EJ laugh like that! Ed has brought me all my meals in bed, and when I peaked earlier today the downstairs wasn't even a mess. We've called/texted each other so EJ doesn't hear my voice and he answers each call with "Hello and thank you for calling Big Ed's Catering Service. How may we assist you?" So he is even keeping his sense of humor through all of this.

He deserves some lovin' after I feel better :)

EJ's first class

Today was EJ's first day of class at Gym.boree. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a cute little class where the kids can play, sing, climb and explore. There is a "teacher" who leads the class in activities and keeps some sort of focus so there aren't seven munchkins just running around aimlessly.

Everyone in the class was super friendly and very excited to meet us. EJ was the second boy, so the mom of the first one was very glad that it wouldn't just be girls anymore. We took off our shoes and headed over to the gym mat. All the others were playing with toys and having fun. And EJ was stuck on me like super glue. For-the-entire-45-minute-class. He would claw at my sweater if I tried to put him down.

I got reassurance that it was common and in a few classes he'd be exploring with the rest of them. I was a bit surprised because I've never seen him act like this before. He may start out that way at my IL's, but usually after 10 minutes or so he's opening up. I guess he was just too overwhelmed today. At least we only signed up for one month at a time. Haha.

New plan of action

We have decided to wait to talk about having a second child until at least May. That will give me/us a few months to get our heads around that idea for many reasons...

Struggling to get PG again. What if an IUI doesn't work?
Deciding if I could handle suffering through another loss (God forbid!).
Do I want to put myself through the emotional stress of worrying EVERY DAY about a viable pregnancy (obviously I would rent another doppler. LOL.)
Do I want to go through the physical trials of a pregnancy (I got sick almost every day)?

I don't need a few more months. I know the answer is that I would move heaven and earth to give EJ a little brother or sister. Ok, so we'll wait until May so that Ed can get his bonus which will help pay for IF treatments. I guess the better reason would be to say that in those few months I will have to prepare myself for the struggles of IF cycles and the possible (God forbid!) fourth, fifth, etc. miscarriage.

In the meantime...we've decided to sell our house. We won't move far, just "upgrade" to a bigger/nicer home. And to get away from the complete @ssholes that live next door.

So, what's new with yall?

Putting the wheels in motion. Maybe.

I'm sure this post will rub some of you the wrong way as you're still hoping and praying for your first miracle. And for that I get it if you have nothing good to say to me right now. Really, I understand.

EJ is now past the year mark and we're starting to think about if/when we want to have another child. We couldn't afford another IVF (and we don't have any snowbabies left) but we are considering IUI's. I'm still not totally positive I'm ready to go through that again, and the possible loss that might follow a BFP...I am a "habitual aborter" after all. We haven't used any form of contraception in the past year, so here I am again finding myself the living definition of infertility...12 consecutive months of TTC without a BFP. Yup, I'm still broken.

I have heard COUNTLESS times in the past year of so-and-so who did IVF for their first child, or adopted, and then suddenly got PG on their own. I know we've all heard that over and over again. And it still irks me. I don't think I'm as bitter as I was before EJ, but to be honest it still makes me twitch when I hear "just relax and it will happen".

So in a nutshell I guess I'm just playing tug-of-war with myself. Some days I think we should go for it, and other days I think I must be crazy for wanting to put myself through that again (and so soon). If there is anyone out there who has thoughts on this, hypothetical or practical, please share them.

Birthday Boy!

Since EJ was getting over being sick on his actual bday, we pushed his party to the following weekend. He wasn't a huge fan of his chocolate cake on the 1st, so we did a birthday corn muffin for his party...which he licked up every little crumb!

He was spoiled with gifts and lots of love :)

Here are pictures from his actual birthday and his party.

Christmas Pictures

Here are some pictures from EJ's first Christmas morning and some other random cuteness ;)

EJ looooves to read...


EJ's favorite gift was the shower back-scrubber I got Ed...







EJ found Jimmy's doggie door...

EJ and Daddy sound asleep...

A Year in the Life

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY EJ!!!!!
You are the most wonderful thing that has happened to us. We love you more each day and we're so lucky and proud to have you as our son! Love, Mommy & Daddy xoxox

One of my favorite songs from the musical "Rent" inspired this post...

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?
It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life!

How would I measure the past year?
5000+ baby wipes used
2200 diaper changes
2200 bottles/meals prepared
1500 hours spent rocking my baby
1000+ outfit changes
365 midnight feedings
185 3am feedings
100+ loads of laundry
50 canisters of formula
40 boxes of diapers
2 vacations this year...1 to TX and 1 to NC
1 moment frozen in time when he said "Ma!" for the first time
Countless smiles and giggles that melt my heart daily :)

This has been the best year of my life. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for EJ and us as a family. It's hard to say it, but I don't have a "baby" anymore...I have a "toddler". There is a whole world out there waiting for EJ to explore and it's going to be so exciting to see it all through his eyes.