Friday, January 30, 2009

The past 4 weeks

I just realized that I have posted barely anything since EJ was born. I wanted to keep a log of everything, but it's amazing how time flies. One day I think of what I'm going to post and then all of a sudden a week goes by and I haven't posted anything really EJ-related at all. So here it goes...

He sleeps no more than four hours at a time. It's usually three, but on a lucky day, I get fours hours out of him. I have not slept for more than 4 hours in a row since he was born. Typically, I get 1.5 hours at a time, about 4 times a day (including nights). Needless to say, I'm operating on totally minimal sleep and I don't know how I'm doing it, and being so chipper about it. He's pretty much on a schedule of eating every 3 hours and he's gaining the typical ounce a day, which we're thrilled about b/c he was so small when he was born.

And he was a bit jaundiced. With the yellow tint from the bilirubin, he looked a bit like a glow worm. I'm sure many of you ladies remember them. I was exclusively breast feeding him and since we have incompatible blood types (I'm A- and he's A+), his pediatrician said to stop BF'ing (and pump and freeze) and put him solely on formula. Well, the milk-based formulas upset his stomach so he's on soy-based formula. Does anyone know how bad that stuff smells??? It's really gross in my opinion. I want to go back to the sweeter-smelling breast milk as soon as possible. My freezer is getting stocked with bags of my milk and I've had to make room for it all by giving up space formerly reserved by popsicles and such. Oh the sacrifices us Mommies make :)

He really is a good baby. He only fusses when he's hungry. When he's awake, his big blue eyes just check out the world around him. He's starting to grab onto my fingers now which I pretend is a tiny little hug from him. I can't wait until he's big enough to wrap his arms around me and give me a huge squeeze. My heart melts just thinking about it.

Ed is fabulous with him. He loves holding him when he gets home from work and always wants to feed him. He's great changing him, although Ed gets peed on constantly. When will he learn he's got to cover EJ's little pickle when the diaper comes off? EJ has actually peed on piles of clean clothes thanks to Ed not using the "peepee teepee". LOL.

Jimmy is great with EJ. And thanks to him, we always know when EJ has a dirty diaper. The instant it happens, Jimmy is over smelling EJ's tush and we know that a diaper change is in order. Also, if EJ is in his crib sleeping and wakes up crying, Jimmy runs into the room checking to be sure everything is ok. He's so sweet. I can't wait until the two of them are running around the house chasing each other.


In other news...Ed's sister just told us she's getting a divorce. She was floored one day back in September when her husband of 14 years came to her and said he wanted out of the marriage. They have two girls, 8 and 6. He said that he wants to be alone and can't deal with a wife and kids any more. He just turned 40 in July so everyone is thinking it's a mid-life crisis. They were one of those couples that adored each other and that seemed as in love today as when they got married. My SIL had no idea this was coming and she thought they were perfectly happy. Her life is shattered. He moved out last weekend and my SIL is beside herself and has no idea what the future holds for her now. They didn't tell the family anything and have been pretending for months now that everything was normal. It's terrible she was going through this alone but I'm glad she finally opened up to her parents and siblings so she could get the needed support. She's understandably a wreck and contacted a lawyer a few days ago to find out what needs to be done. This was her first year back to work (her youngest started Kindergarten) so thankfully she can support herself and the girls. It's things like this that make me grab Ed and hug him and tell him how thankful I am to have him and how much I love him.

Well, that's it for now. EJ is waking up so I must go feed my little man :)

Monday, January 26, 2009

My promise to you

I just read one of my favorite blogs and I was struck by what the poster, Emily, said..."I am not the positive, happy, glass half-full kind of girl that I always used to be. I try to be, but I think a piece of that girl is gone forever."

That struck me more than I can say. I want to tell all of you ladies still dealing with IF and PG Loss that you will be a glass half-full kind of girl again. Many of you know about my IF struggles and multiple losses and know that there were many times I felt complete and utter sadness that I would never have a baby. And here I am today with my precious little boy from FET #2.

I had become a very sad girl. I wasn't hopeful and I was very angry towards anyone pregnant or with a young child. I had begun thinking and planning my life to be "child-free". I cried daily. And while Ed and I grew stronger as a result of our struggles, it all certainly put a strain on our marriage from time to time. I was obsessed with all things relating to fertility treatments and what I could do differently to make each new cycle a success. When each one failed, or I suffered another miscarriage, I cried. Actually, I sobbed. Inconsolably. I cried forever it seemed. I let it all affect my friendships, some to the point of no repair.

But I want to express to you with no uncertainty that it all went away the second I heard my son cry for the first time when he was born. I was suddenly filled with hope for what his future would hold. I find myself giggling when he makes those cute little baby sounds. I find myself living up to everything expressed in the "Thoughts on Becoming a Mother" message I have at the side of my blog. I find myself being very sentimental now, but it's not with the heaviness and sadness of the past three years. I feel that I have so much to live for now and I'm excited to start every new day to see what my little guy will do each day.

I promise that when you each have your little miracles, you will return to your "old self" and you will reclaim all of those wonderful qualities that will make you the best mother possible to your little angels.

My body betrayed me. I fought back. And I won.

The Heat is On

Last Sunday my Mom stayed over to take care of EJ and give Ed and me a good night's sleep (woo-hoo!). However, around midnight she woke me up to say that my heat wasn't turning on and the temp had dropped in the house by about 5 degrees. Ed went to the basement to check it out and he couldn't get the heater to kick on. It was getting cold fast.

So we bundled up EJ and headed for a sleepover at my parents' house. And that is where we stayed ALL WEEK until the part came in for our heater. It was actually quite fun. It was great to spend all of that time with my folks and I know they loved having EJ (and us) there for an extended stay. They only live 3 miles from us so it's not like we don't see them a lot anyway, but it was especially nice to have dinner with them and just hang out at night.

But now we're back home and it's nice and toasty warm here again. We're getting in a nice routine, but EJ has decided he wants to be nocturnal for now. He loves to be awake from midnight until about 3am. We watch a lot of Friends, Scrubs, Fraiser and The Golden Girls. I'm hoping he figures out that he has his days and nights mixed up and fixes it soon. LOL.

Friday, January 16, 2009

My Birth Story

Just a little warning - there is going to be some very detailed stuff about my delivery and I will also write about some mushy baby-love stuff so skip this post if you don't want to read any of that.

Here it goes...

I went in for my induction Wed. Dec. 31st around 7 pm. I was 37w 3d. I got all hooked up to the monitors, IV and they drew all the blood work to get me set up. At 8 pm my doctor put the cervidel in. It basically looks like a long piece of white tape that is put onto the cervix and hangs out of you kind of like a tampon string. At that point I was 1cm dilated and 80% effaced. Then there was nothing much to do but watch TV and wait until morning. Ed and I watched Dick Clark's Rockin NYE and couldn't believe that 2009 would start with a baby and not a miscarriage like 2007 and 2008 did. Something so close, but yet it seemed like worlds away that it would actually happen for us. The nurses brought us sparkling cider so we could toast in the New Year. It was very sweet.

Then at 2 am I felt a warm gush between my legs. I assumed it was my water breaking. I took a peak under the covers and was about to push the nurse call button, when my world stood still for a moment. It wasn't my water breaking. It was blood pouring out of me. It was coming in buckets. It seemed like an eternity until the nurse came in and when she saw the look on my face she ran over to my bed. She took one look at the amount of blood and ran to wake up my doctor in the on-call room. She arrived in what seemed like half a second. She examined me (btw, internals SUCK when you're 37 weeks pg) and I hadn't dilated any more than my original 1 cm. She said her fear was an abruption and recommended an emergency c-section. I said OK. The only thing that kept me from freaking out at that point was that EJ's heart was beating away on the monitor so I knew that - at least for the moment - he was just fine.

Within five minutes, the anesthesiologist was in asking me all the silly questions - height, weight, etc. By 2:45 I was in the OR being prepped and getting my spinal. That wasn't all that bad. The worse part was the initial sting, but after that it was totally manageable. Actually, it was quite pleasant for a moment when the medicine starts to work and your butt gets all warm and tingly. It's a very funny sensation and I started to actually giggle on the operating table. Then they laid me down, put the sheet up so I couldn't see from my waist down, and then Ed came in. He sat at my head, held my hand, and at 3:12, the first incision was made. I didn't feel a thing. I could feel that my body was being moved around, but there was no pain or even pressure. If it wasn't for the fact that my upper body would move occasionally I probably would never had known anything was going on below my waist. It was the most surreal moment of my life.

The entire team of doctors and nurses was AMAZING. Nobody would believe me if Ed didn't get it on video, but we were actually all laughing and joking during the surgery. We just couldn't believe we were so close to meeting our little boy. My doctor kept commenting on how inspiring I was and she's never been so impressed with someone and how they handled the scary situation I was in. I said that it was nothing, and I had know much more pain than an emergency c-section could ever pose. I can handle the physical pain after all I've been through. I don't think the smile ever left my face.

With the first incision, apparently there was a ton of blood that gushed out from the abruption and everyone kept saying how lucky we were to having been there for the induction. I think I would have had a heart attack if I was home in bed and saw that blood pouring out of me. It still amazes me at how quickly it goes. It started at 3:12 and at 3:20 EJ was born. They first pulled his head out and we heard him cry for the first time.

Time. stood. still.

I just heard my baby cry. MY BABY. I have a baby boy.

Ed and I locked eyes for a moment and the world around us went silent. Except for that tiny cry.

He then peaked over the curtain to look at his son and his eyes welled with tears. Two seconds later, EJ was pulled out and put onto the baby cart. They had Ed go over to him to cut the cord and see his son. I heard them all counting - ten fingers - ten toes - and of course, one penis. Ed and the neonatologist had a good chuckle and then they both got peed on. LOL.

EJ got all cleaned up and then they brought him to me for a kiss. I couldn't believe how tiny he was. 5 lbs 6 oz and 19 inches long. He had the tiniest nose I have ever seen and he was just perfect. Ed then went with him to the nursery to be checked out and he scored an 8 and then a 9 on his Apgars. I stayed back in the OR to get all sewed back together. I just laid there amazed at what had just happened in the past hour and half. After I was stitched up, I went to a recovery room for about an hour. I had the post-op shivers and my nose was sooooo itchy. I could barely even stand it. Both are side effects of surgery and totally normal and they passed within the hour or so. I was then wheeled down to my room and they put those boot things on my legs to keep the circulation flowing since I wouldn't be able to move them or stand up for a few hours.

Once I was settled in, they brought EJ to me to hold for the first time. I was in some serious pain from the surgery, but totally ignored it to reach out for my little boy. I was in love from the moment I first laid eyes on him and I haven't stopped smiling since.

You ladies crack me up.

I have to laugh at the comments about renaming my blog. I wasn't expecting so many "penis" references. LOL. But to further demonstrate how obsessed Ed is with having a son (and another penis in the house), I'll share a few of the phrases that have popped out of his mouth in the past two weeks...

*I'm so glad he has a penis. (repeatedly)
*Nobody likes a dirty taint. (I wish I had a picture of the appalled look on my face)
*Did you wipe his sac nice and clean? Wipe it again to be sure.
*Atta boy!!! (As EJ farted with a sound to be heard round the world)
*How's his pecker looking today? (Daily, in reference to his healing circumcision)
*That's a manly looking pecker. (Right, very MANLY on a baby 8 days old)
*I bet it will be huge when he grows up. (Something a Mommy doesn't like to think about).

I've never seen a man so overcome with testosterone. I want a girl next. LOL.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Begging the question

In my last post, Katie asked the obvious question...Does EJ have Ed's eyes?

Well, kind of.

Right now his eyes are a deep blue like Ed's. But aren't all babies born with blue eyes? So they may actually change color in a few months. But for now, they're blue like his Daddy's. The shape however, is like my Dad's. People seem to think he has my nose and I swear he has my upper lip, but he smirks one side of his mouth like Ed. And he has Ed's ears. And by some crazy twist of fate, his forehead wrinkles like Jimmy's. LMAO.

So tell me, my dear internet friends, do I need to change the title of my blog?? If so, what should it become? Or should I start a new one that is just EJ stuff, and keep this one for the TTTC, PG Loss and other "me" stuff? Let me know your thoughts. And I'm not so clever so let me know if you have ideas for a new blog title :)

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

My new duds

This is a special thank you to EJ's birthday-twin Katie from The Happy Hours for knitting him such an adorable hat. Now, there is no reference to his penis anywhere on the hat, but nonetheless, it's perfect :)

Katie, thank you for being such an amazing friend and constant support. You are such a special person and I wish nothing but good things to come your way in 2009. Love and Hugs to you!!!!!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

EJ is here!!!!!

I'm holding my perfect baby boy in my arms right now (which is making typing very hard)!!

I will post my full birth story shortly, but I wanted to write an update to let you all know everything is great. The delivery was scary and filled with drama...of course...but it had the most wonderful ending! I had to have an emergency c-section, but it was very quick and I'm healing well from it.

EJ was born at 3:20 am on New Year's Day (Happy Birthday to Katie too!!!!!). He was a small 5 lbs 6 oz and is now about 5 lbs even. He's 19 inches long and has long legs like his Daddy. We think he's just perfect. He's such a good little boy. Only fusses or cries when he's hungry and loves to be held. Jimmy is doing great with him and has been sniffing his tush constantly. I think he's going to be very protective of our little guy.

I'm so in love :)

Here are some pictures from his first day...